Im feeling really emotional tonight. I spoke to my doctor yesterday about how sad I was feeling. She asked if I had a good amount of support around me and I realised that I have not at all (IRL anyway) I spoke to my DH about some of the things she said to me, and how she thought he could help. So today he came home especially to go to our dd's assembly with me and then took me for breakfast. He was so loving and comforting with me. It helped so much. Then by this evening all that had changed, he has been so snappy and would not even cuddle me in bed. He wont tell me whats up, just acting really irritated with me. Its only been 10 days since my d & c so im still all over the place emotionally, so this shift in behaviour really hurts. Everyone around me thinks I should be over it by now, and have stopped even asking how I am. (my family have been a nightmare, my sister has text me twice in all of this and thats it!!) Im worried that I am becoming depressed. I drop ds and dd off at school then come home, cry and sleep. I just cant seem to get out of it. My dh felt like the only one I could talk to and now he is being weird with me. I never knew this would be so hard. Part of me is so mad with how little support I have been given, then the other part of me is just sad. Its so unfair, we had the stress of TTC, then an early loss around 4 wks 2 days, then this latest loss and d & c at 9 weeks. Why cant anyone understand why I feel so low? ( I know you guys can) Sorry for the rant, I just dont know how to help myself.
I'm just so sorry you are having to go through all this. I think it is almost impossible for people who have never gone through a loss (at any stage) to really understand how painful the whole experience is and to understand that your loss will affect you greatly for a long time and at a certain level forever. We will never forget. I think most people try to be compassionate and show us empathy, but sometimes it just doesn't come off right. I don't want explanations or to be told that this happens all the time. All I really want is to have my feelings acknowledged and for everyone to remember that they are MY feelings. You can never argue with someone's feelings. I would give you a big hug if I could. Feel free to pm me if you want.
My DH is taking this all really hard and we have been snippy at each other. I think we are using each other as outlets to get out our feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, despair. Also, my DH doesn't have really anyone to talk to about all this and he keeps his feelings all bottled up like most men do. He doesn't like it when I'm hurting and he can't FIX it for me. I know he feels very helpless and I think that is part of the reason he isn't handling this well. He is protecting himself when he shuts me out and doesn't acknowledge the pain I'm feeling. It is such a hard situation all around and very frustrating for both of us. I know this is all still very fresh for both us so I'm hoping that as time goes on, we will have gotten closer from all of this instead of growing apart. That is my hope.
I'm sorry you don't have a lot of support IRL. That makes this experience even more unbearable. Hopefully, you can feel a little bit better knowing that all of us on this board are here for you.
Thinking of you, Kendall
Last edited by Marchmom-to-be; 01-29-2008 at 08:52 PM.
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. As I am sure that other posters have said, if other people haven't experienced loss (thank goodness) then they just don't get it. I don't know what to say about DH. Men process things differently and have been taught by society not to talk it out like we do. Not an excuse, but true never the less. Please come here any time that you need to. It may not be support IRL, but it is a form of much needed support from those that truly understand the grief and despair that you feel.
I am sorry you are feeling so low. But please know this is not unusual. Support is really important. My family thought I should be over it quickly as well. No one can tell you how you should feel or when your grieving will begin or be over with. As far as your husband, remember he lost a child as well. Emotions will be all over the place for awhile, especially with hormones.
I am sorry you are feeling so bad too, but like all the pp have said, it is completely normal and expected. Don't feel bad for how you feel.
Last week I went to a support group up at my local hospital for people who have lost children. There were people there who just had miscarriages and some who like me had a stillborn. You may want to see if you can find a support group like this in your area as it may help you. I have never been to a support group before in my life, but I did feel like this one was good for me because the ladies there could relate.
I am so sorry for your loss and sen you lots of hugs and fuzzies your way. Please dont be too hard on your DH. It sounds like he has no one to turn to himself. THat must be hard on him as well. Men are just sometimes really in a battle with themselves about shoing feelings. He probably is trying to be strong for you and if he shows any feelings he will just crumble. I hope you both can find somewhere where you can talk about your feelings and be able to heal.