Hi ladies. My name is Robin. I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks June 97. Then I did IVF again and this time it was a blighted ovum and had a d/e around September 9th 2008. I have been feeling numb since then up until yesterday. I am now angry. I am angry that I lost two precious babies, I am angry that everyone I have ever known has children. I am officially the last in the family (brothers, cousins, 3rd cousins) that does not have a living child. My first born at 16 weeks, Rebecca was due December 3, 2007 so she should be turning 1 very soon.
I am not sad just angry that my life has turned out this way. My husband and I only have enough money for 1 more IVF round. I have 9 embryos frozen still. I am terrified that this too will end in miscarriage. We are not even going to try until Jan. I want to loose 10 pounds if possible. I still feel that being heavy is part of the reason this last embryo did not take. I am the heaviest I am ever been, the problem is I am not motivated at all to work out. Food is a comfort to me still.. I know it is early from my last lost (I was 7 weeks "pregnant" with a blighted ovum.
I just want to vent. I tried to talk to my husband last night and he got upset saying that having a baby isn't a race. I did not mean for it to come out that way. I was just stating a fact that I am the last one. I started trying before almost everyone and still am trying. Its just frustarating. All the waiting, all the money, all the shots, all the doctor appointment, and all the disappointments. I wish I wasn't feeling so negative. I feel like my body has failed.
If you listened to this rant thanks