I have found my way over to this board because I believe that I am in the mist of a m/c. At this point I am quite numb, and not sure how I should feel.
A little about myself/situation: I have been married for nearly 10 years. For almost 8 years we were unable to conceive. We never really went the fertility treatment route (did have consults) since I had been through so much medically (kidney transplant 2001) I didn't think I could go through that. So, we adopted our son Joshua, brought him home when he was 4 months. He was a preemie, born at 24 weeks but is doing remarkable well. At that point we had planned on adopting more. then low and behold I became pg last Sept and gave birth to our first biological son this past May. Never thought in a million years that we would have been so blessed. Well, last week I found out I was pg. again, unexpected, but yet happy news. I was/am a little over 5 weeks. Had my HCG level draw last week, which was positive, but low at 40. Although, last week I was only 4 weeks. Started having brown discharge, what I had with Lucas, but it seemed to become more and more also with a dull crampy like feeling. On sunday I started to have some reddish brown d/c. ended up calling the ob on Tuesday and she told me to come in for an u/s wed (yesterday) naturally they didn't see, as my ob puts it, "prodcuts of conception" with an hcg so low. I sort of figured they wouldn't see anything. So, she had me go get my blood drawn again, the level yesterday was only 83. My ob said this is not a normally progressing pg. I have to go and get another level tomorrow and then call her. I am still bleeding, almost like a mild period. I just know things are not good and that I am m/c, and my ob said that it sounds like it from what I described. I just feel so numb right now. If I am m/c I just want it to be over, it is like I have this dark cloud overshaddowing my life right now. Right now I just want to lay in bed and sleep. Please don't missunderstand, I know it is in gods plan and what ever happens is out of my control. I am very greatful for what I have. And I have to be ok with this right? I just didn't know where else to go. Thank you for listening!
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also in the process of a m/c. It totally sucks and I also believe it is God's plan and I tell myself that maybe losing my baby is taking the place of someone else who has had multiple losses or something like a trade. I believe that my suffering is helping someone else or will in the future but it still sucks. I am trying to be logical and just accept what is going on but I hate feeling like I have to start over. I just wish it was over so I could try again. I know that I am going to be completely paranoid when I get pregnant again which will drive everyone crazy. And I just can't wait until my dr appt to confirm everything is gone and see if there is anything wrong with my body that caused this to happen. I am absolutely terrified of dealing with this again. And what if I miscarry later in my pregnancy. At least this time it was only for a week and a half that i knew about it so I only had that much time to dream about a new baby. My poor DH doesn't know what to do with me and I know this so I try and be strong for him. Not to mention that he just go laid off so I am trying to be positive about that situation. It's when I have to tell someone that we lost the baby that I almost lose it.
I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this. Yes, it is god's plan. We may not know his purpose until we are in the hearafter, but there is some purpose. I have to believe that or I would lose my mind. However, NO! You do not have to be okay with this. It is okay to be angry and upset and whatever other emotion floods your body and your mind. I am sure that you are like the rest of us who were instantly in love and making plans and dreams from the moment that the test was positive. Please come here and let out your feelings whenever you need to. Just let yourself experience the roller coaster of emotions that you are going to go through. Again, I am so very sorry.