Well, we're done. We went for our follow up appt. yesterday for our last loss on 7/31. To start with, we had already made the decision to not try again (unless something was found and we felt assured medical treatment could fix it). My Reproductive Speacilist gave us the results from testing and confirmed that they did not find any reason for this loss. He did state that the chromosones were okay, but he felt it was something to do with the baby and not my body not being able to carry.
He continued that with finding nothing this time that there was really nothing else he could do to assure a healthy pregnancy going forward...meaning my chances of m/c next time are very high. He left it that if we wanted to try again, that he would treat me the same as the last time taking Lovenox.
With these results I do not see any medical reason why the next one would make it. On the other side, I still have faith and hope in God that if and when it is His will, we could make it. Therefore, we have stayed with our decision to not try again. I am leaving it to God and feel assured that if and when it is His timing and His will then it will happen, regardless of what we do.
For years I have been told by doctor after doctor, that we should be fine next time. What I have always wanted to hear was either they found the reason and could fix it OR that we will not ever be able to succeed at this. I felt like I got this answer yesterday, that there is nothing they can do and no guarantee we will ever succeed at this. It is sad, but I think I can accept this now. At least I know that I don't want to try again and end up m/c, which are the odds for me, therefore I will not put myself or my dh through this again.
For now, our plan is to just enjoy each other, enjoy our dogs, take some last minute vacations and work on projects around our home. My dh is getting ready to have surgery to donate a kidney to his dad. It is my time to be there for him through his medical needs. And, later we may look into adoption again, but not right now.
I did make a memory section in my home for my babies that I want to share with you. Since my 7 losses were very early and I really have nothing to look at as a memory; I printed a prayer that someone had shared before "Dear Lord, I would have loved to held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance would you hold them on your lap and tell them about me." I had also made a cross with seashells from a recent vacation. I placed both of these in a shadow box and set it on a counter along with an angel, a windchime and a candel. All of these things give me comfort and peace. I really enjoy looking at them when I am at home. And, I hope that they will be a sign to others around me to remember my babies.
I will continue to lurk a little, but probably not post that often. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your thoughts, prayers and comments. I have truly found help by just being here with you ladies.
I wish you all peace and the best going forward in your lives.
mom to 7 angels