frustrated (VENT)
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  1. #1
    rh1430
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    Well it is 6:30 am again. I can't seem to sleep even though I am on meds to help. I feel like I get well, mentally and then something throws me back into my depression and anxiety. My doctor increased my dosage of my depression meds and they are making me ill. I got AF and she gave me a headache. I don't know if any of you have experienced this since your m/c but I see bright blood and panic. I am alright with brown blood but as soon as it turns red I freak out. I guess it brings back memories of my lost. My husband says it is post tramatic stress disorder. How can something so natural (AF) freak me out?
    Anyway I thought I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but yesterday and this morning it feels like I am back to square one. Oh how I wish I never felt this pain.

    It is hard to explain how I feel, just empty and hopeless. I miss my daughter and my parents. I never thought it would be this hard.

    Thanks for listening.
    Robin

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    Mega Poster squirlyj's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Posting Addict shellyhudson's Avatar
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    Great big cyber hugs and chocolate bars are coming your way. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I hope that you feel better soon.

    Shelly

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    Posting Addict troynicole's Avatar
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    Robin, i'm so sorry! I think it's not unusual that seeing blood brings back memories. Don't beat yourself up over it doing so...it's ok!

    I hope you can find some way to have a good weekend. Go out and do something relaxing for yourself. You deserve it!

    Thinking of you,

    Nicole

  5. #5
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    Robin, I am so sorry you are going through this. One of the hardest aspects of dealing with depression is that it is something doesn't resolve easily. I don't know your personal situation or history, but know that anti-depressants are slow acting, so sometimes doctors will increase a dose with seemingly no positive (short-term) effect. There are also a variety of anti-anxiety medications and different people react differently to different ones. You may find you need to experiment with different types of medication before you find one that works for you, which I know is a pain. Most importantly, try to be patient with yourself and the healing process. What you have been through isn't easy, and the grief process isn't always a linear line, though it would be nice if each day was progressively better than the last, wouldn't it? I can really empathize with your feeling of frustration at having a good day only to have two or three bad ones, even though I know that's normal.

    Also, I think your feelings about seeing the bright red blood are completely appropriate to what you have been through. During early pregnancy, women are told repeatedly that bright red blood is cause for distress, so it's not surprising that you would have internalized this and may need time to unlearn this feeling of fear. As frightening as it is, it may be helpful to you to try and allow yourself to experience whatever feelings of sadness and panic you are having, and try to ask yourself what is at the root of it, what are you really feeling? In the week or so after my D&C, I was crying a lot and having lots of feeling of distress/panic. It was only after I gave myself an opportunity to really voice what I was feeling (scared, helpless, alone, etc.) that I was able to release a lot of what was pent up inside me. It was hard, but I did feel lighter afterward.

    I don't know if any of this information is helpful to you, but whatever path you take, I hope that in the coming days you begin to feel better, and remember that we are all here to listen when you need us.

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    I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I wish there was something I could do to help. I am here anytime. If you need to talk ANYTIME just call.

    Antionette

    Lily Maria Kathleen August 10, 2007

  7. #7
    rh1430
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    Thanks everyone. I am feeling better since this morning. I think I am just more anxious in the morning because i never know how I will feel about the day and that is nerve racking. I appreciate all your kind words and support.

    I am going to begin taking vitamin B complex to see if that works. I am already taking magnesium and some other supplements but I heard vitamin b can help with depression and anxiety symptoms.

    Have a great weekend everyone. I will check in later tomorrow or Monday.

    Robin

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    Super Poster angelchristian's Avatar
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    Robin,
    I am so happy your day has gotten better. The emotional rollercoaster that we all feel on any given day can be unbearable.




    Annie

  9. #9
    Posting Addict shellyhudson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rh1430 View Post
    Thanks everyone. I am feeling better since this morning. I think I am just more anxious in the morning because i never know how I will feel about the day and that is nerve racking. I appreciate all your kind words and support.

    I am going to begin taking vitamin B complex to see if that works. I am already taking magnesium and some other supplements but I heard vitamin b can help with depression and anxiety symptoms.

    Have a great weekend everyone. I will check in later tomorrow or Monday.

    Robin
    Obviously, I would recommend checking with a physician before combining to many herbal supplements along with regular meds, but I have a suggestion. Have you tried St. John's Wort (sp?)? A friend of mine had a "medium" case of PPD after giving birth and that is what she used. It took a little while to build up in her system, but she swears by it. She still takes a small dose every day just to maintain her mood (always was a little on the depressed side) but doesn't take any where near the dose she did while going through her PPD. It took her about seven months to get through the PPD. I hope that helps. If not, then just ignore everything that I said, K?

    Shelly

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    DogMum/BabyMum2B
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