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Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I need some help and comfort from you guys, if you have it in you. I lost my daughter at 16 weeks in June. I am feeling so sad all the time. Today I have been crying since I woke up. I want to know how to deal. I am in therapy and it helps but I feel so alone. Friends and Family don't really understand what I am going through. If one more person asks when I am going to try again I think I will scream. I don't want another baby I want the one I lost.
Please give me your stories of hope...I need all I can get.

Griefing mother.

Last seen: 7 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Sad You def have come to the right place....

There are many wonderful women on this board, all having had losses at various stages of pregnancy, and after....All their comfort/support worth more than gold..

First I want to direct you to the wealth of resources we have listed on this board under our *very important info, must read thread* I think you may find one or more of these suggestions to be very helpful.

Secondly, have you tried journaling?? Many women on this board have....If you have not tried this, I would suggest you give it a go...


I have lost 9 babies...of which I have no answers for Sad All my losses have been at various stages in the first trimester....My dh and I decided we would give it another go, before getting into the possibility of PGD testing, to see if any answers would be found there.

Well, here I am, pregnant, almost 19 wks later....and all is going fine. My only answer, as one who is of the Christian belief system, is that God healed me...

I pray every day that my little boy will continue to grow strong, be born, and live a full life...And will be willing to serve the Lord with all of his heart, soul, strength, and mind..

Of course, my story is far from over...That said, I hope it gives you some hope to hold onto... :comfort:


Last seen: 2 years 9 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs and prayers. I am so sorry you lost your daughter. I think until someone has experienced a loss, they do not realize how insensitive most questions can be. And even then, ppl are really dense sometimes.

I don't have a lot of ways of how I have made it through, as I am still waiting to miscarry, but I am sure the counseling (over time) will help immensely. This board is awesome for support and others who understand your pain and hurt more than others. And I think journaling helps a ton as well.

Last seen: 5 years 9 months ago
Joined: 12/09/06
Posts: 74

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I'm glad the theropy is helping and I'm sorry you have to deal with all the quesitons. I know it doesn't seem like it now but the biggest healer is time. You will never get over the loss of your daughter but you can learn to live with it.
2 major things that helped me.
One, I came to the realization that nothing was going to change the fact that my baby was gone. Two, I got a necklace with a little ring on it to remember my baby. (There are tons of ideas out there for remembering the baby you lost, jewelry, memorial gardens, trees, etc.)

This board is also a great source for sharing with women who have been through similar experiences. I hope your road gets easier as time passes ::Hugs::


shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I completely understand wanting the baby that you lost. Damien passed during delivery at 37 weeks. I am still working through my grief as well. My only hope right now is that Damien will be waiting for me at the gates of heaven when my time comes. I am glad to hear that you are in therapy and the it seems to help a little. People that have not gone through this just don't get it and can unintentionally wound us deeply with their words. I just remind myself that some days are okay and some days are not so okay. I can only say that you will heal. I know that you will never be whole again, but you will heal.

Hang in there and come here any time you need to.


Uropachild's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl. I understand how insensitive comments can be so affecting at this time too.

I think i just wrote on another thread about trying again, that everyone is different. Some people want to try again right away and some prefer to wait. No way is the right way, unless it's what feels right to you.

The hard thing to come to terms with is the fact that although you may get pregnant again, the baby you carry will not be the baby you lost. We will all spend the rest of our lives wondering if the one we lost would have looked a certain way, or acted like us in this way or that way. These are the enduring things which hurt the most, but they are also the most healthy. I think it would be very easy and unhealthy to try to disillusion ourselves that another baby would be the one we lost.

So, your pain at not wanting another baby, but wanting this one that you lost is hard, but it is better than disillusionment. I am glad you are seeking help in therapy, but know that you are not alone. Unfortunately we all know what it's like to loose a baby and we are all here for you.


Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 10/05/06
Posts: 40

I am so sorry about the loss of your precious little girl. We lost our daughter in Dec at 19 weeks and we are still heartbroken. The first few months were the worst though. Both of our families had experienced losses at different stages so people were very sensitive to the issue and never pressed us with questions like those you are facing. I'm sorry that people are putting you in such a horrible position by asking those sorts of questions. Unfortunately, many people think that by talking about future babies, you will feel better. They really don't understand the hurt and pain you are going through right now and how your every thought is about the baby you lost, not the future.

I found that by talking to everyone about our loss, it made them understand more about our grief and how they should talk to us. I would tell them the things that they should ask or talk about and I would tell them things I did not want to hear. It really did make it easier for everyone involved.

I hope you find comfort by coming here and sharing with us. This board was a sanity saver for me. I loved knowing that I could go to a place where everyone understand what I was thinking, feeling, needing and that they knew how to say just the right things. I hope you find that here too.

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. I think everyone else has said it all, but I just wanted to add my support.

I have had 2 m/c, and I have found the only people who trully understand how I feel are those that have had similar experiences. Many others don't know what to say or don't say anything.

Believe it or not, time has made things easier. After my 2nd m/c, I did not want to try again, ever. It took some time, but now I am TTC again, and I feel hopeful.

I am sure that you will find a lot of support here with any issues that you have.


Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
thank you for the support

I want to thank everyone for your support. I know I will get through this in time and just knowing that there are caring people who understand me helps.