I need some help and comfort from you guys, if you have it in you. I lost my daughter at 16 weeks in June. I am feeling so sad all the time. Today I have been crying since I woke up. I want to know how to deal. I am in therapy and it helps but I feel so alone. Friends and Family don't really understand what I am going through. If one more person asks when I am going to try again I think I will scream. I don't want another baby I want the one I lost.
Please give me your stories of hope...I need all I can get.
Last edited by Michelle; 08-28-2007 at 03:37 AM.
Reason: to remove signature
Secondly, have you tried journaling?? Many women on this board have....If you have not tried this, I would suggest you give it a go...
I have lost 9 babies...of which I have no answers for All my losses have been at various stages in the first trimester....My dh and I decided we would give it another go, before getting into the possibility of PGD testing, to see if any answers would be found there.
Well, here I am, pregnant, almost 19 wks later....and all is going fine. My only answer, as one who is of the Christian belief system, is that God healed me...
I pray every day that my little boy will continue to grow strong, be born, and live a full life...And will be willing to serve the Lord with all of his heart, soul, strength, and mind..
Of course, my story is far from over...That said, I hope it gives you some hope to hold onto...
hugs and prayers. I am so sorry you lost your daughter. I think until someone has experienced a loss, they do not realize how insensitive most questions can be. And even then, ppl are really dense sometimes.
I don't have a lot of ways of how I have made it through, as I am still waiting to miscarry, but I am sure the counseling (over time) will help immensely. This board is awesome for support and others who understand your pain and hurt more than others. And I think journaling helps a ton as well.
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I'm glad the theropy is helping and I'm sorry you have to deal with all the quesitons. I know it doesn't seem like it now but the biggest healer is time. You will never get over the loss of your daughter but you can learn to live with it.
2 major things that helped me.
One, I came to the realization that nothing was going to change the fact that my baby was gone. Two, I got a necklace with a little ring on it to remember my baby. (There are tons of ideas out there for remembering the baby you lost, jewelry, memorial gardens, trees, etc.)
This board is also a great source for sharing with women who have been through similar experiences. I hope your road gets easier as time passes ::Hugs::
I completely understand wanting the baby that you lost. Damien passed during delivery at 37 weeks. I am still working through my grief as well. My only hope right now is that Damien will be waiting for me at the gates of heaven when my time comes. I am glad to hear that you are in therapy and the it seems to help a little. People that have not gone through this just don't get it and can unintentionally wound us deeply with their words. I just remind myself that some days are okay and some days are not so okay. I can only say that you will heal. I know that you will never be whole again, but you will heal.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl. I understand how insensitive comments can be so affecting at this time too.
I think i just wrote on another thread about trying again, that everyone is different. Some people want to try again right away and some prefer to wait. No way is the right way, unless it's what feels right to you.
The hard thing to come to terms with is the fact that although you may get pregnant again, the baby you carry will not be the baby you lost. We will all spend the rest of our lives wondering if the one we lost would have looked a certain way, or acted like us in this way or that way. These are the enduring things which hurt the most, but they are also the most healthy. I think it would be very easy and unhealthy to try to disillusion ourselves that another baby would be the one we lost.
So, your pain at not wanting another baby, but wanting this one that you lost is hard, but it is better than disillusionment. I am glad you are seeking help in therapy, but know that you are not alone. Unfortunately we all know what it's like to loose a baby and we are all here for you.
I am so sorry about the loss of your precious little girl. We lost our daughter in Dec at 19 weeks and we are still heartbroken. The first few months were the worst though. Both of our families had experienced losses at different stages so people were very sensitive to the issue and never pressed us with questions like those you are facing. I'm sorry that people are putting you in such a horrible position by asking those sorts of questions. Unfortunately, many people think that by talking about future babies, you will feel better. They really don't understand the hurt and pain you are going through right now and how your every thought is about the baby you lost, not the future.
I found that by talking to everyone about our loss, it made them understand more about our grief and how they should talk to us. I would tell them the things that they should ask or talk about and I would tell them things I did not want to hear. It really did make it easier for everyone involved.
I hope you find comfort by coming here and sharing with us. This board was a sanity saver for me. I loved knowing that I could go to a place where everyone understand what I was thinking, feeling, needing and that they knew how to say just the right things. I hope you find that here too.