grieving all over again pregnancy and birth mentioned
First, I want to say I am sorry. I cant get my sig to turn off. 3 years ago, I suffered the loss of my beautiful Angel. It was the worst thing I ever experienced. I swore that I never wanted to be pregnant again in fear that it would happen again. Well, this past February, we found out we were expecting again. It was a very hard pregnancy with many complications but we were able to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl on October 8th. While pregnant, I had a peace that came over me. I wasnt grieving as much anymore. I was happy that I was given another chance and I knew my Angel baby was watching over us. But once Elizabeth came, an overwhelming feeling of grief came over me. I ached for my angel. My angel would have been 3 this month and I cant help but look at my daughter and wonder if my Angel would have looked like her. I wonder what my angel would look like now. Even having my baby now doesnt seem real. Like I will lose her at any moment. Like she is only here for a very short time. It's hard to bond with her because I am so afraid of losing her. I should be happy and I know that I may sound selfish because so many people are not able to go on to have a baby and I was blessed. Have any of you gone on to have a baby after suffering a loss? Is this the way you felt? I just need to know that what I am feeling is normal.
Last edited by missy8632; 11-04-2010 at 06:22 PM.
Reason: remove siggy
Prior to my loss, we already had a child, so I had my loss, I knew all the thing I was missing by his passing. So I was able to grieve part of that during my loss.
But having children since then still makes me sad. I've had two more babies since my loss and I'm still envious/jealous of people that have all their kids around. I don't think it every goes away, just lessens over time.
I went to see my OB yesterday for a check up and he feels that I never finished the grieving process. It went through the 1st stage and then turned it off. Having the baby acted like a stimulant and brought all of those feelings to the surface. For now, he is holding off on meds for PPD. He wants me to call him if I notice certain signs. I go back in 2 wks to see him again. I am sorry for your losses.
Last edited by missy8632; 11-05-2010 at 08:16 PM.
Reason: remove siggy
Sounds like you have a caring OB, awesome!
Why don't you do something to help bring some closure? Plant a tree or launch some balloons for the baby you lost. Unlike when we lose a family member, in most cases, there is no traditional funeral or wake. Many times we have nothing concrete for us to see, to hold, or to smell. We are pregnant on minute and then not the next. We are missing something in between that puts a mortal touch and feel to things.
What your OB is explaining is call “stuffing”. I am an expert at that. We stuff our feeling in an emotional garbage can and when it get full, we step on in and squish it down so we can stuff some more. We are not Glad Force Flex, we do rip. I think you have squished your feelings down and the baby triggered them and your emotional garbage can ripped open and all those feelings can gushing out and once and not one my one.
Be kind to yourself. It is ok to cry, even if you are overjoyed about your new baby.