guilty for feeling jealous (friends prg mentioned)

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newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93
guilty for feeling jealous (friends prg mentioned)

I have a friend online who've I been close with for the past 6 months. I met her after my 2nd loss and she also had 2 losses. The dejavus part is that she was due just a few days before I would have been with my 1st. It was not difficult to talk to her until now. I felt like her pregnancy represented hope for me to have a healthy baby one day. I very much cheered her on and we comforted eachother's worries.

But today I got an email saying she is being induced today. My reaction was first of worry for her and baby but then instantlly of jealousy so intense that I hadn't felt before. I feel so guilty. Why do I always have to think poor me at all the wrong times? I feel so guilty.

According to the time, she should be getting induced right now. Please everyone take a moment to pause and send a little prayer out for this precious baby and mommy so that they will have a safe journey these next hours.

Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 28

Please don't beat yourself up for feeling jealous. It's a normal reaction. I think you're a great friend to her. You don't need to feel guilty. (((Hugs)))

Lynne

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

yes, I agree with Lynne. You can still be happy for someone and be jealous. I called a friend when I found out I would miscarry (because she had before), and she told me (before I could tell her) that she was pg. While I am so happy for her, I am extremely jealous too.

Hugs!

Joined: 11/29/05
Posts: 49

Don't be too hard on yourself. I agree with the others, it's very normal to have jealous feelings, even though we are happy for our friends good news. Even when I am out and about, there seems to be babies everywhere I look and sometimes I just have to pretend that I am blind and just try not to look at all these women with their babies so I don't go completely crazy!! Be kind to yourself - you're a good friend to even question your feelings. :bigarmhug:

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. You are a great friend to her and I am sure that she knows/appreciates it. You cannot help the feelings and thoughts that jump into your mind. I know that I get some crazy thoughts at times and then feel guilty after for thinking them. I believe that it comes with the territory. I am hoping that all goes well for her and her LO.

Shelly

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Like the other ladies have said, what you're feeling is only natural. It's very hard for us to look about and see other people get what we want so much and can't have. Those feelings are only further complicated when we are close to the person we envy.

:comfort:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

(preg mentioned)

I was in a very similar situation, only I was the one having the baby. I met a person online shortly after we both suffered losses. She quickly became a very dear friend. When I became pregnant again, she was incredibly supportive and I depended on her to talk me through all the worries. But, I know very well that it could not have been easy for her. She never said anything to indicate that my pregnancy was hard on her, but I know it was. It's just because she's such a wonderful friend. It sounds like you are a lot like her.

Please don't feel bad. I'm pretty sure your friend already knows that this is hard for you and she doesn't expect you not to have feelings of jealousy. Especially since she has suffered losses of her own, she understands. Just do what you need to do, feel what you need to feel, and support her as best you can when you are able. That's all anyone can expect. In time, it won't feel as bad and you'll be able to think of her baby without the feelings of guilt and jealousy.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"NOLAgirl" wrote:

(preg mentioned)

I was in a very similar situation, only I was the one having the baby. I met a person online shortly after we both suffered losses. She quickly became a very dear friend. When I became pregnant again, she was incredibly supportive and I depended on her to talk me through all the worries. But, I know very well that it could not have been easy for her. She never said anything to indicate that my pregnancy was hard on her, but I know it was. It's just because she's such a wonderful friend. It sounds like you are a lot like her.

Please don't feel bad. I'm pretty sure your friend already knows that this is hard for you and she doesn't expect you not to have feelings of jealousy. Especially since she has suffered losses of her own, she understands. Just do what you need to do, feel what you need to feel, and support her as best you can when you are able. That's all anyone can expect. In time, it won't feel as bad and you'll be able to think of her baby without the feelings of guilt and jealousy.

(loss and pregnancies mentioned in this post)

Ah...how this post brought me both to tears and a big smile.
I am the friend that NOLAgirl is speaking of. She and I have both had losses. We were on the same birth board, and then sadly we both lost our babies. We became a support system for each other. We listened to each other, gave strength to each other, and I honestly have to say, in my darkest days, she was there for me. I am not lying when I say I dont know what I would have done and to this day what I would do without her.

I have had a lot of good days and bad days since losing Brennan. But no matter the day, she was always there. I shared joy, and a small bit of jealousy when she got her subsequent BFP. I think having some jealousy is totally normal and expected. I can honestly say, going through her pregnancy with her was amazing.

She included me in the "call list", and had her sister in law call me when she delivered. I cannot tell you the tears I cried that morning, I will never forget the overwhelming joy I felt for her. I was so proud of her, and hopeful for my future as well.

A few short months later, I was able to share some fantastic news with her. I was pregnant. And she has been nothing short of amazing through my pregnancy.

Why am I telling you this? I want you to know the power of this online community is real. Her and I share many happy events together, but we also celebrate and remember the sad events. We remember our losses with cards and tokens of remembrance. We celebrate what it means to be a good honest genuine friend.

Don't be too hard on yourself in this situation. Whatever you feel is completely normal. Jealousy is ok. It is expected. But I can tell you, seeing pictures of her daughter gives me hope for my future. I pray this little one that I am pregnant with comes home with me, but I know good, bad or indifferent, whatever happens, she will be there for me 100%.

I will pray for your friend and her child, as I KNOW you are also doing.

OneLuckyLady's picture
Joined: 04/12/07
Posts: 129

Don't beat yourself up. Having mixed emotions is very normal and it doesn't mean that you care for any less or that you still don't want the best for her. KUP on how your friend is doing if you feel like telling us about it Biggrin Sounds like it would give us some hope.

newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93

There was some good advice posted. I didn't realize anyone else was ever in the same situation. She had already lost her 2 much before mine. I had lost one and then got pregnant with another only to lose it shortly after. She helped support me alot and it must have been hard for her too seeing as she was pregnant. It seemed a woman who just lost her baby and one who just found out they were pregnant would be like a cat an mouse. But maybe God put us together for a reason.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"newbie2all" wrote:

There was some good advice posted. I didn't realize anyone else was ever in the same situation. She had already lost her 2 much before mine. I had lost one and then got pregnant with another only to lose it shortly after. She helped support me alot and it must have been hard for her too seeing as she was pregnant. It seemed a woman who just lost her baby and one who just found out they were pregnant would be like a cat an mouse. But maybe God put us together for a reason.

I very much believe that. I truly believe he put me and Laurie together for just that reason. Sometimes the strongest sources of support come from surprising places. I think that is what this board is all about.

Still, I know it's very hard on you right now. It's possible to be happy and sad about something all at the same time. Just don't be afraid to feel your emotions. There are so many deep ones connected with loss, and they don't always have to make sense.

Hugs to you,
Tamara

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

"newbie2all" wrote:

But maybe God put us together for a reason.

You are totally right in this! I believe people come into our lives at special times for special reasons.

Another :bighug: to you.