It hit me really hard last night, probably since today has been one week since the d&c. Anyhow, I just could not go to sleep, just kept thinking, and rehearing the u/s tech say, "Oh Rachel, there's no heartbeat." I got up to go read (rather than disturd dh with the lights in our room), and read for an hour, and tried to go back to sleep, and nothing. I came downstairs and looked online. I am LDS, and our church has a great website that you can look up things on any subject, from past speeches, magazine articles, etc, and I looked at everything I could find on miscarriage. It was hard, as I sat and cried for hours, but in the end, very healing. Not that I am not still sad, but I feel more at peace.
I have been currently struggling with when we will ttc. Last loss, I waited the advised 2mo, and started trying, and it took 6mo. This time, I have thought we would wait longer, because I cannot handle another loss so soon. My fear outweighs my need for another child. Anyhow, in many of the articles scriptures were quoted, such as, "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" and others, and a song I already love about not fearing because the Lord is with us. It was a great help to me, I don't know that we will start trying right away again, but some of the fear has left.
I think having a good healing cry was very helpful, though going to bed at 4:30am and waking at 8:30, has made for one heck of a headache, and I can't go to bed right now, as ds is fixing the bathroom sink. which is right next to our bedroom.