It was a year ago today that I delivered my little boy at 22 weeks 5 days. It was the most beautiful and most painful time of my life.
Today we let off a couple of balloons with notes (they were beautiful as they drifted off into a quiet sunset). We looked at his photos in the nursery for the twins and we started to put up our Christmas tree. Last year I wasn't up to decorating for Christmas, so today we wanted to start the process (even though it is quite early) because we wanted to symbolize how the year has brought us full circle. There were many tears, but it was gentle and calming too. Sometimes I can't believe it has been a year already and sometimes it feels a lifetime ago.
I found out I was pg after we had spent a fantastic 17 days in Europe. We were on the train to Gatwick airport when we found out I was expecting (we were NOT expecting that since we hadn't been able to get pg for 7 years.) I remember how happy and terrified I was.
I remember holding him before he passed. He did grasp my finger briefly right after he was born and made a couple little sounds. I will always hold those memories in my heart.
If anyone is interested in reading more about our journey, I am posting my blog link. There is pg mentioned throughout. You will need to go back to the Dec 06 to March 07 archives for our grieving process.
BECKETT: Always in our hearts. Love, Mommy.