Hard day for me at the OBGYN visit (loss and ttc ment)

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newbie2all's picture
Last seen: 6 years 3 months ago
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93
Hard day for me at the OBGYN visit (loss and ttc ment)

Hi Ladies,

I had a hard day today going in to see the OBGYN after my 2 losses. I had to walk past the labor and delivery room and all I can think about is that I should be up here in less than a month's time giving birth to my first baby not looking for answers. Moms were passing me with babies and a family was waiting in the room where they wait for news on a mom and new baby and I had to push myself down the hallway. But I made it. And into the waiting room I went with pregnant pictures all around me. At least I was the only appointment and nobody else was there.

The doctor basically says there is no reason to do further testing and I am still considered at normal risk for another pregnancy unless there are 3 losses and there is no reason to believe I can't have another baby. I guess I should be reassured... but at the same time I so badly wanted answers. I so badly wanted him to say... look we'll give you this or try this and it will help you next time. I so badly wanted him to say "we won't let you have a 3rd loss" not "you're fine unless you have a third loss and you're only 26". But those answers weren't there.

He suggested the only thing I can do is wait my 3 cycles. I did not do this after my first miscarriage (only waited one) and he feels that played a part. I have had 2 good cycles so far and it's only 3 weeks til my next will come. I keep telling myself "you've waited 2 months... what's 3 weeks" but we all know what it's like to badly wish for a baby. Although I know there is evidence to say I can ttc now, I feel I am best to wait the three so I will not question myself or blame myself for not being patient enough for just one more cycle should I have another loss.

I remember when I first came to pregnancy.org during my very first pregnancy (January) I saw this board listed and thought "oh that's kinda extreme... what would anybody want that board for.. I'll never need that" and I ignored it and blissfully went on with my pregnancy. I was so very wrong. This board has helped me through the hardest two times of my life. I tell all of you what I am afraid to tell everyone else and I don't feel the need to cover things up or sugar coat my feelings. So often we tell the ones we love how we felt only to have the subject changed on us in an effort to "cheer us up". And nobody could understand how hard this day was or how hard 3 weeks can be except you guys.

Thank you for listening to me and being the invisible hands that hold me up and help me move on.

Last seen: 1 year 6 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am glad that this board has helped you, it helps me too.

I am sorry for your losses. I have also had 2 m/c with no real reason. I did however push for further testing. I had a great deal of blood work done and an ultrasound of my uterus. Luckily, all was normal. I don't want a 3rd loss either, but I don't think I can do anything to prevent it.

I wish we could all take a magic pill.

It sounds like your dr. is very optimistic. I wish you the best of luck when you TTC.

Sorry about the difficult time in the dr office.


Last seen: 7 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

You know I am thinking of you.....I just wanted to send you some big :bighug: on the board as well....

One step at a time...Your day will come...


Last seen: 8 years 1 month ago
Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 28

Awww, I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that at your appointment. I heard once that following a m/c or loss it's best to request that they schedule you as a gynecological appointment rather than an OB appt so you will be much less likely to run into all the pg women. Or maybe it's good to ask when is the best time to come in to avoid that. It's just way too painful. I'm so sorry for your losses. You could consider seeing a specialist now rather than taking your doctors advice and doing nothing. It couldn't hurt. (((Hugs)))


newbie2all's picture
Last seen: 6 years 3 months ago
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93

Unfortunately he was the specialist here. The only thing above the OBGYN's here (we only have 2 in our area) is an RE who is 5 hours from my town and you need a referral from an OBGYN to get one, which they won't do until you have had 3 losses. Canada Healthcare is great in that it's free, but it is very doctor directed and you can't get anywhere without referrals. Probably to cut down the number of people on wait lists for appointments.

I cried myself to sleep last night...... so many feelings brought up with my due date coming Oct 1st and I keep thinking of where I SHOULD be right now, not where I am in my life. The fact that I am suppossed to be almost ready to deliver is never far from my mind and I can't seem to push it out.

I asked hubby last night to remember our baby on Oct 1st. Whether it be with a flower or something pink for his/her birthstone. Maybe this will be harder.... but I just can't forget it or try to push this from my mind.

CamelNoodle's picture
Last seen: 1 year 4 months ago
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Seeing babies and pregnant ladies is not easy. I have to say, in time, the pain does lessen. You'll always miss your babies and think about what could have been.

Thinking of you as your due date approaches. :comfort:


shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 5 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so sorry you had to have that experience. I wanted answers as to why my son was born still and didn't get any. The most we have gotten was it may have been because of (fill in suggestion here). The worst part is that it all comes across (to me) as my fault. Whether or not that is what is being said that is what I am hearing. I applaud your strenght to wait that final cycle. I pray that you have the pregnancy that you deserve to have even though we know that it will be racked with worries. Is there any way to meet your doc at a different clinic such as a family practice one so that you are not inundated with reminders of what should be? Just a thought. My doc is doing that for me. I pray that you find peace and I think that remembering your baby on October first is a wonderful idea. It doesn't matter at what point a baby is lost, it still is missed for eternity. I hope that everything works out the way that you want it to in the future.


Last seen: 2 years 8 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs! I'm sorry that your doc did not have better answers for you. Good for you for waiting the three cycles. I know how hard that must be. My doc said 2 cycles, and that seems sooo long, and I haven't had one yet. I hope that when you are ready your ttc cycle is very short.