I had a hard day today going in to see the OBGYN after my 2 losses. I had to walk past the labor and delivery room and all I can think about is that I should be up here in less than a month's time giving birth to my first baby not looking for answers. Moms were passing me with babies and a family was waiting in the room where they wait for news on a mom and new baby and I had to push myself down the hallway. But I made it. And into the waiting room I went with pregnant pictures all around me. At least I was the only appointment and nobody else was there.
The doctor basically says there is no reason to do further testing and I am still considered at normal risk for another pregnancy unless there are 3 losses and there is no reason to believe I can't have another baby. I guess I should be reassured... but at the same time I so badly wanted answers. I so badly wanted him to say... look we'll give you this or try this and it will help you next time. I so badly wanted him to say "we won't let you have a 3rd loss" not "you're fine unless you have a third loss and you're only 26". But those answers weren't there.
He suggested the only thing I can do is wait my 3 cycles. I did not do this after my first miscarriage (only waited one) and he feels that played a part. I have had 2 good cycles so far and it's only 3 weeks til my next will come. I keep telling myself "you've waited 2 months... what's 3 weeks" but we all know what it's like to badly wish for a baby. Although I know there is evidence to say I can ttc now, I feel I am best to wait the three so I will not question myself or blame myself for not being patient enough for just one more cycle should I have another loss.
I remember when I first came to pregnancy.org during my very first pregnancy (January) I saw this board listed and thought "oh that's kinda extreme... what would anybody want that board for.. I'll never need that" and I ignored it and blissfully went on with my pregnancy. I was so very wrong. This board has helped me through the hardest two times of my life. I tell all of you what I am afraid to tell everyone else and I don't feel the need to cover things up or sugar coat my feelings. So often we tell the ones we love how we felt only to have the subject changed on us in an effort to "cheer us up". And nobody could understand how hard this day was or how hard 3 weeks can be except you guys.
Thank you for listening to me and being the invisible hands that hold me up and help me move on.