hard time today

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
hard time today

I am having a rough time today. I am not looking forward to Christmas, and that use to be my favorite holiday, I miss my daughter and I don't want to have to pretend to everyone that I am alright when inside my heart is breaking. I was doing well but the closer it gets to christmas the more depressed and angry I get that I don't have my daughter with me as I should. Part of me just wishes to skip to the new year all together where hopefully I will find more peace and a time to look forward to trying again and not being so afraid. I know you ladies can relate and I have read that some of you have been having a hard time too. We need eachothers support I guess. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in the new year happy. I try to stay positive but it is getting really hard. I just want my daughter with me for Christmas. I just want not to be so afraid of trying again or of my future. I want to find peace and happiness again. I just feel like I get so close and then something sets it off again.
I am sorry for the vent, I know you ladies are struggling too. I hope it gets easier for all of us soon.


squirlyj's picture
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 121

I understand. Putting away that extra stocking was hard. Christmas will definitely not be how I expected this year.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

DH and I are only going to celebrate at my parents house. No decorations or presents at ours. I haven't even bought anyone's presents yet, and we've skipped all holiday festivities.

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371


You are not alone. I'm sorry I wasn't on when you were. I spent most of the day outside shoveling. Not that you could tell because the snow just kept coming down and blowing off my neighbours roof onto our driveway!

I'm only on for a bit because as son as the PVR has recorded enough of Survivor for me to watch it commercial free I'm going to veg on the couch with DH.

We need to get that Skype phone thingamabob so we can have our pity party together. Take care and remember I'm thinking about you.


Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

I'm not really looking forward to Christmas much either. Sad We're doing better this year than we did last year though. Last year we barely did anything. This year at least we have our decorations up and i've sent out cards.

There is nothing wrong with just doing as much as you feel like doing. Even if that means doing nothing. People should be sensitive to how hard this is for you. :comfort:

Mum to...
:angel2: Zane. Delivered by c-section at 41 weeks. Died due to Vasa Praevia. 16-17 October 2006
:angel2: Ada. Delivered by c-section at 25 weeks. Her heart just stopped. No explanation. 7 September 2007
Co-Host of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

THere is nothing to be sorry for. We all understand entirely too well. The holidays are forever more bittersweet. I am just hoping that they will not be quite so emotionally debilitating in the future. I am sending great big cyber hugs and a mug of cocoa (liberally laced with pepperming schnopps) your way.


SAHM2AZL&K's picture
Joined: 06/08/05
Posts: 32

:bighug: Holidays are tough :bighug:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Robin, we know exactly how you're feeling right now. I'm so sorry that you know the pain of a loss. I truly hope you can find happiness in the very near future :bigarmhug:


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