Hate to be joining you

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Hate to be joining you

I had a dating u/s today as the doctor thought my dates were off. My dates probably were not off but baby measured 8-9weeks with no heartbeat. I should have been 11 weeks.

The hardest part is hearing my almost 6 year old son tell me how much he wanted a sibling. It is hard on all 3 of us.

Heartbroken and waiting for a m/c or a d&c.

Margaret

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Margaret, I'm so gutted for you!!!! Utterly sad! SadSadSadSadSad This shouldn't have happened. Sad It's so difficult on the siblings, especially when they are older. I can imagine the pain... I'm here for you, if you need me.

Big hugs...
Jennifer

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{{{{HUGS}}}} Margaret, I'm so incredibly sorry to hear of your loss. Please let me know if there is any other way that I can offer you support at this time. I think my worse loss experiences were those that I felt so blasted blindsided which it seems as you were.

There are no words that I can offer right now. Just know that I'm thinking of you and will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

~Missy

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Margaret,

I am so sorry for your loss. Miscarriages really are hard on the entire family. I miscarried right before Thanksgiving and we had told my son we were expecting and it was so hard to have tell him it wasn't going to happen after all. Huge hugs. :bigarmhug:

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So very sorry for your loss, Margaret. :comfort:

And I'm so sorry about your DS being upset. My 4-yr old has also expressed how much she wants a baby brother or sister, and it's hard when you want so badly to give them one.

Thinking of you,
Mary

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Thank you ladies. My d&c was scheduled for tuesday but I have started bleeding. On my way to the hospital.

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I'm so sorry for your loss! I think we were on the same BB. Sending you lots of hugs

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hello

i know how you feel and know what your going through. i lost two myself this past year, one was right before xmas. i was really excited and amlost died when i found out that i was having a miscarriage. so sorry for your loss..

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I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. I truely know the horrible feeling of having to tell siblings that its not going to happen anymore. Sending you lots of comforting hugs and many prayers too. :bigarmhug:

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Thinking of you. How are you doing?

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"missy8632" wrote:

Thinking of you. How are you doing?

I had my d&c late last night. Physically I am doing ok, emotionally... not sure how I am going to deal with this. I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow and am expecting a call from the "Early Loss" team that our hospital has. Need to call my OB to book an appointment for 6 weeks time.

I am needing to find ways to deal with Sean and Robbie. With previous losses it was always so early.

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I'm sorry for your loss. :bigarmhug:

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I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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I hope you're healing up okay today...

:bigarmhug:

Again, so sorry...

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Good for you that you are reaching out to get help. I am not sure how old your boys are, but mine at 6 & 4. I lost my dad (Papa) in November. My therapist told me to tell them the truth but keep it simple. My dad had dementia and the boys know he went to Heaven. My oldest asked a lot of questions at first, and I answered them as best I could. He had some good ones too! It is ok for your kids to see you sad and cry too, it helps them deal with grief to know you are dealing with it. I did make sure we told both boys that my dad was sick and that nothing was going to happen to mommy, daddy, or grandma. I know it is not the same, but maybe you can use some of the same concepts to your loss.
Hang in there.

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Met up with my first pregnant woman since the D&C... I held it together! I was surprised. Friday, when I was at my OB's office I lost it when I kept hearing baby's heartbeats. I have had lots of calls/emails etc from friends checking up on me.

I am not eating. I am trying to eat but I am not hungry. So far I have almost finished one meal and most meals I don't even eat 1/2 of it.

Sean is going back to school tomorrow - final exams and grad are coming up in the next two weeks... I think I might go back to work on thursday - I need the routine and I think it will be better then staying at home.

I got some books today from the library on miscarriage. I am hoping they will help me process things. I think I am still in shock....

I did too much today...too much walking and contractions hit big time! That and heavier bleeding. I need to take things easier.

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:bigarmhug: I'm glad you're going to be getting to talk with someone. Miscarriage can be such a difficult thing to go through. After my first miscarriage, getting back to work was actually really helpful in feeling like even after a huge loss, I was getting my life back a little bit.

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First all, I want to say that I am using my thread as a journal through my feelings.

UGH!!!

Why do some people feel the need to "one-up" your pain. I know that I am not the only woman to have a baby die. I know other woman have been farther along then I was. This was my baby and I am in pain. I am in no way trying to take away from other's pain so why do they try to do that to me?

Today my daycare lady went on about the baby she lost at 5 months, reminding me that I was only 3 months. Yes, it must hurt terribly to have a baby die when you have felt it kicking but just because I did not feel the baby does not mean my pain is any less.

I talked to a lady from church yesterday. When I said that it was still early when the baby died she told me that it did not matter how early the pregnancy was. It was still my baby, I still had hopes and dreams for the baby and was entitled to feeling pain. I felt a little hope after talking with her. She talked about losing a baby at 17 weeks and how today (30 years later) she still thinks of that little one.

Tonight I needed Sean to hold me for a while. We talked about how much we loved one another and I cried. I apologized for crying and Sean asked why I would apologize when I needed to cry. He is such a sweet husband. Today he returned to school and had to tell fellow students why he had been off/how he was feeling. One of the guys came up to him several hours later saying "OMG, I just found out what a miscarriage is." Poor guy.

Sean heard from one of his instructors that the company he interviewed for yesterday called about references! Even though the job is on the far west side of the city (we live south-east), it would be an awesome job! We are hopeful that he is offered the position. Working one-on-one with an engineer who wants to teach "all that he knows", plus they want to send Sean to a bunch of courses.

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:bigarmhug:
Listen to the Church Lady, she sounds more logical. It does not matter how far along you are. Period. A baby is a baby.

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Today it has been one week since we found out that the baby died. What a week! I never want to go through this again.

Today is my niece, Matty's birthday, and she got to be an auntie again today. Lili Johanna was born today. In some ways I am sad as I wont be having a baby in 6 months but I am excited for my niece and her husband as well. Such conflicting thoughts.

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I made it through work today. Not everyone had heard the update, I did get lots of "why are you back at work already", my response "I could stay home and cry or I could go to work and be a bit distracted". I was feeling overwhelmed by people, I have been a bit isolated lately. My big boss (general manager of our department) stopped me today to ask how I was doing. She asked if I needed a hug and then gave me one. She also told me that if I ever needed to talk her office was open! I just about burst into tears! I really do work with/for some wonderful people! I also moved desks today! Woot! I was sitting by a guy that was loud and obnoxious and was irritated by him, a few team members have left so I moved desks.

My MIL has the little boy for the weekend and the big boy is studying for final - final exams (graduation is May 7th) and so I have an exciting friday night of cleaning! But I am getting caught up on things! I have a little bit of energy which is nice but I am watching how much I am doing.

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What a wonderful place to work at... I can imagine how hard it is to be back there but keeping busy helps. I find focusing on keeping busy and things coming up like birthdays, planning day trips, helps me, I guess each day that goes by helps lesson the pain of a loss but not something we ever forget. (Hope I am making some sense here...)

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I hope each day gets a little easier for you as you ease back into things. I hope that the kindness you're being shown by some is helping ease the pain of those who have said insensitive things.

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It is nice to work for people who understand. I guess it helps that almost all management in my department are women.

I bought some clothes for me today. I still had to go with a higher shirt size, hopefully my breasts will go down a bit....they are at an H-cup right now...

The really good news is m/s is FINALLY gone!! It sucked to still be having it a this time.

I see my family doc on monday. Not sure if he will order blood tests to see how the hcg levels are or not. I will ask him about the early loss team as I have yet to hear from them.

One week ago I was waiting for my d&c...in some ways it feels like yesterday and in others a life-time ago.

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The bleeding has stopped now if the contractions/cramping would stop as well.... Have had a rough couple of days. It started with my doctor's appointment and went from there. My family doc was on vacation and did not see the update about the m/c, after seeing him I cried for an hour putting me into a migraine which is now leaving (I hope).... I meant to ask the doc about dtd....I really want/need the intimacy but not sure if it is safe for my body....

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:bigarmhug: I hope it's stopping now. I was advised not to DTD for 2 weeks after bleeding stopped, and to wait to TTC until after my 1st normal period.

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Rough day........ Today was supposed to be my OB appointment. I am having a hard time not crying. I am at work right now but not sure how long that will last. I feel like I am going to break down. I hate feeling like this!

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"mom2robbie" wrote:

Rough day........ Today was supposed to be my OB appointment. I am having a hard time not crying. I am at work right now but not sure how long that will last. I feel like I am going to break down. I hate feeling like this!

:bighug:

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Finally got in touch with the Early Loss program, they lost me in the shuffle with having my d&c on a saturday. Anyway, they sent some resources and are setting me up with a counsellor who only deals with women and early losses. I think that will help.

I left work early and came home and cried. I think I needed the cry. Thank goodness for a long weekend, I am going to need it.

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:bigarmhug: I hope you can get some time to rest this weekend. I hope the counselor is helpful. This is hard.

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:bighug: hope your weekend goes a little better. one day at a time, trust your beliefs and hug those that love you.

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Gah! One of my co-workers brought her newborn in.... He is now 2 months old. I was torn, I wanted to hold him but I was afraid to .... I am on edge now, fighting tears...

This is no fair!! (and yes, I know life is not fair....) I want a baby!

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Ugh! Found out today that a co-worker is due the day before I was supposed to be due. I really hope the new job comes through as I don't think I can handle this one.

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*hugehugs* I just saw and read this entire thread and while I knew it must have been very difficult for you, I simply had no idea how much. Sad

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Thanks Sophia. Most days I am doing ok but it is so freaking hard on others.

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I am "new" in this board and I can just tell you I feel for you...
I have 2 baby shower this week end and I both "cancel" I didn't told my friend WHY but I just can do it right now...
Just going to get cute NB clothes for them was already a torture for me..

hang in there and hope the new Job comes !!!

:bigarmhug:

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Ouch, I can imagine how hard that must be. Life is not fair. Knowing that does not make dealing with the fact any easier. It is ok to be anrgy and upset, it does not make you a bad person. Only one who is going through grief.

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"keops" wrote:

I am "new" in this board and I can just tell you I feel for you...
I have 2 baby shower this week end and I both "cancel" I didn't told my friend WHY but I just can do it right now...
Just going to get cute NB clothes for them was already a torture for me..
:

Ouch! I can understand why you would cancel on the baby showers. Not sure I am up for that myself and it was been 4 weeks since my d&c.

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Why do I say that I "lost" a baby. I did not lose anything, my baby died. I really don't understand how that term even came about describing a m/c. I don't mind when other women say that they lost a baby but I find myself getting mad at myself for saying I lost the baby. I get the image in my head that I put the baby down somewhere and left it there... I did everything I could possible to provide a nurturing home for my baby, I ate well, kept my sugars on target, got as much rest as I could... and still my baby died.

I see my one counsellor on monday, still waiting to hear from the counsellor from the early loss program. The early loss program called on friday to check up on me and will call again next week. It does help having them to talk to, even if it is over the phone.

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There was a women who posted on here called Michelle who wrote a book about that. The fact she did not "lose" he baby she had a miscarriage.
Please know you did nothing wrong! What happened was not your fault and nothing your did or did not do cause you to have a micarriage.

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warning: Mother's day and sex mentioned

Today is Sean's graduation. He has worked so hard for this day. I am excited for him and I am fighting hard not to show him my pain. Tomorrow is Mother's day. For the last two days I have cried about the baby that died. I had another friend announce her pregnancy - oh, and guess when she is due.... Life sucks!

I wish I could be with my mom right now. I know with the Alzheimers that she would not really be a comfort but I miss her.

I told Sean that this year Mother's day was to be about me. I was not cooking for his mom or getting her a card or anything. He could have her over but I was not doing anything to prepare for her. I feel bad about that but I need some time for me. He bought her a card and will give it to her today. I think he was thinking of ordering Chinese tomorrow and having her over but it sounds as if that is no longer the plan.... Good!

Robbie did not want to buy me a gift as he has made something in Kindergarten for me. I am sure I will cry and it will be precious, whatever it is. Sean hid it in the basement so that I can be surprised, I think that Robbie is excited to give it to me. I know I will hold him a little closer tomorrow. I love my big boy but I really want another baby. In some ways I feel pregnant right now, we only started having sex a week ago but...who knows. I do know that I want sex all.the.time.... I don't know if it is actual desire or wanting to be pregnant when I go for my 6 week follow-up (which will be more like 7 weeks...)

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{{hugs}} My dad had Alzheimers and it is an aweful disease.
Self care is good and do not feel guilty about taking care of you. Mother's Day is a hard day for many of us. Maybe you can plant a tree for your little one so you can see them grow. In out area we have lilac trees and I love the smell of them that bloom this time of year.

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I am so sorry :bigarmhug:

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There is lots I should catch up on but I am not going to.

I finally met with Patty from the Early Loss program. Ohmigosh! I love her! She is amazing at her job! She gave me a teddy bear to help me deal with the loss of Bailey (I named the baby for Mother's day, not knowing gender I picked a unisex name). I also found out that I can have Bailey buried with other babies who have died. Bailey will have their own little casket/box and placed in a mass grave with other babies who have passed away in the last year.

We could have done our own burial but I don't think I could do that. On May 29h the hospital has a memorial for parents. I will be going.

I saw my OB today and he had no results.... I was hoping for some news. Oh well. I go back on May 30th - maybe he will have some results then.

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I like the name Bailey. Dirol

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The memorial service is tomorrow. I am going by myself Sad I would rather have Sean there but I understand him not wanting to go.

I saw Patty again this week. I am so lucky to have this program available and for free. I hate that an Early Loss program needs to exist but it is awesome to have it.

I have to admit that finding out that someone on this site made up a pregnancy and loss makes me so angry. The hurt of having a baby die is so incredible and when the pain is still fresh and trying to reach out to someone feeling the same pain.... then to find out it is all a lie!!! :angry1: I want to think nasty thoughts but I can't do it, I can just say that I am angry.

~~~~~~~~~~
Missy - sorry about the siggy in the last message, it seems when I am posting from work that it does not pick up me clicking off the "show siggy" box.

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Story shared at the Baby Loss memorial held on May 29, 2011

A Parable Describing Death As A Transition to A Better Afterlife

-The Story of the Dragonfly-

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?" Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. "That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second water bug. "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise," they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why."

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water. "I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went." And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.

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I love that story. My SIL lost twins @ 24 weeks and she used that story. We also used it a few month ago at my dad's funeral. {{hugs}}

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holy crap! First AF since the d&c (went on the pill to induce it) and I swear I am just flowing out blood like crazy! No clots (which is strange for me) but I have now stained 3 pairs of panties :eek:

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hope you get the "flow" under control
:bigarmhug:

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Rough day....

Today is Robbie's 6th birthday. I love him so much and excited to see him grow up but I am missing Bailey. The women on my BB are having their gender scans and while excited for them I miss being pregnant.

Hoping I can hide my tears for my birthday boy...

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