Having a bad day.
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    Contributor tiffshannon07's Avatar
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    Default Having a bad day.

    Hi everyone. Not sure who here remembers me. I havent posted in a while, just been really down. I have lost three children in a year and our last angel almost took me with him. Anyways...the edd for our second lil angel is saturday and i am having a terrible time with it. Not to mention that the sister in law who had been rubbing her pregnancy in my face and just really being horrible gave birth today. I just feel like i am in a black hole and theres no way for me to get out. I feel likemy life is spinning and spinning out of control. I dont know what to do anymore. I snap at the people i love the most. my husband is stuck right in the middle because he is still grieving and then he has to be happy for his sister. I have soo much hate inside me. I know this sounds bad to say but i just dont understand god anymore. Why would he take so many womens babies that they yearn for. i am really an emotional basket case. Sorry to anyone i have upsetted just had to express my emotions and i know you mothers here wont judge me.

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    I am so sorry Have you spoken with your SIL yet?? I could not remember if you were gonna keep your distance from her or not....

    Know that we are all here to help keep your grounded...

    I do believe God's heart breaks for us, every time a little one comes home to Him....I also believe with all of my heart, that one day there will be no more death...suffering...Because all will be as He had originally created things....prior to sin.

    I yearn for all my children....It breaks my heart that I could not raise them here...That said, I know I will see them for an eternity one day...I hold onto that..

    Besides preg.org, this board, which is a great place to come to work through ones loss....Are you apart of any loss groups in your area??

    Your edd...Do you have plans for this day?? something special you would like to do...say..in memory of your little one??

    Sending many too you...

    Marie

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    Contributor tiffshannon07's Avatar
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    I have only spoken to my sister in law by email. I tried explaining to her that the day i got home from the hospital without my baby and she came over there rubbing and showing off her noticeable pregnant belly how hard and hurtful that was. All she could say was i guess you wont be a part of my childs life. Which is not true. I just need time. I know in my heart that our children are ok in gods hands but i cant help but feel that he is responsible for taking them. I guess you could say i am in the angry and helpless stage of grief. I really want to do something sentimental for our 2nd lil one on sat. I ordered a lil bday cake that says to our angel. Thought about going to where my granny is buried and releasing balloons and talking to her. I know it sounds crazy butanytime i am having a bad time going to her grave and getting it out to her spirit there helps. I am not in any support groups besides here but i found a support group in the next town over from me that i am goingto on the 7th. Ihope that it helps. Thank you so much Marie for all the kind words and inspiration you have given me and others. You are truly a big hearted woman.

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    Mega Poster OneLuckyLady's Avatar
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    I am so sorry.

    I hope you and your SIL can work through this. I'm not sure why there seems to be a lack of compassion when women miscarry, but there is.

    CHILD MENT

    My DD was born with a minor birth defect, And I was angry at God for a long while and I still have my moments. Then I had my m/c. I came to a point of acceptance that trying to understand Him is impossible. I told my DH I am His daughter. Well, I would want my DD to hurt like this so I don't get it...I guess that is where the trust has to come in. It is so hard to do and I don't think I am at that place yet. I do agree with Marie that He cries with us. You will be im prayers.

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    I really like your ideas for your upcoming EDD...

    I am also very happy you found a support group not to far from you...Please let us know how it goes..I think the 7th is next week?

    I really think there is a lack of compassion regarding women miscarrying, simply because it is not talked about enough....Or downplayed so much that people are led to believe that our babies, were not babies..so, why are we so upset??

    This needs to CHANGE!! And its gotta start with us...women who have lost their precious babies....

    I know there is nothing wrong with the word miscarriage....But honestly, I think the word miscarriage has a *less then* meaning attached to it, because of the way most of the world seems to view what that word means, iykwim?? So, I try as much as possible to say *I had an early pregnancy loss*, or *I lost my baby in the first trimester*..something along those lines....

    I also try, as painful as it is, when others ask me if I have children...Or in my present case, is this your first?...I say no, I have other children...If the person I am speaking with, questions me further regarding my other children. I then say I have 9 (or many), but that they have all passed on to be with the Lord....

    I have not had any more probing, after stating my children were in heaven...Just a heart felt, *I am sorry*

    too both of you...

    Marie

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