Having a hard night

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Last seen: 7 years 1 month ago
Joined: 08/05/07
Posts: 4
Having a hard night

It has only been 2 weeks and 6 days since I lost my precious girls. Tonight has been so hard. So many things that just keep knocking the wind out of me. Little stupid things, like the wicked heartburn I am having, the box of different things that my oldest used to set on my belly to watch fall off as soon as they would move around.

I washed sheets today again, and some how missed a pillow case last time because when I picked the pillow up out fell the journal I had started with so many of the feelings I had written down when I first found out it was twins, how much in love i was with the two already, yet so stressed and wondered if I could handle it. I complained about where I was going to put them as we have no room. sad I never kept up with that journal,such a break between that jornal and I started journaling later on my blog

I feel so lonely tonight, so empty feeling. I have a headache from crying so long:(

my girls are sleeping, most of the ppl I used to talk to online don't talk to me much anymore as most don't know what to say to me. The select few that do i am so thankful I have but nights are the hardest on me. and tonight it feels like the walls are closing in on me and if I move they are going to overpower me and I wont ever be able to get out.

hope this makes sense im a mess right now


shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 4 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814


I am so sorry that you are had such a bad night. I know that utter desperation and crushing pain. I wish that I had journaled about Damien. I would love to have that reminder of every thing that I went through. I miss every little ache and pain and bit of discomfort that I went through.

I understand how empty you feel and the devastation at the loss. I can only hope that you find some peace. I still cry myself to sleep every night. I too think of all of the times that my daughter would lay her head on my belly just to feel Damien kick.

Please know that this board is a safe haven and you are welcome to come here to vent, or cry, or just to let it all hang out. I truly take comfort in the pms that we have had also. You are always free to pm me about anything.

It is sad that all of us have such a painful bond to share, but we do share it. At least here you will not here the platitudes and crap of "I know how you feel". Here it really is a true statement. Hang in there sweetheart. I truly believe that our angel babies are playing together and just waiting for us.


Last seen: 7 years 9 months ago
Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456


:comfort: I am so sorry Sad The night can be so very difficult Sad ...

As Shelly has said..Coming here and posting, getting support from women who have been through loss, is very comforting...

We are all here to get your through those impossible days...I know at times you feel alone, know that you are not, we are right there with you....

Sending many :bighug: your way..


Last seen: 2 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs and prayers. I can only imagine the pain you are experiencing right now. I too feel like the walls are closing in, and my loss is not to the degree of yours.