It has only been 2 weeks and 6 days since I lost my precious girls. Tonight has been so hard. So many things that just keep knocking the wind out of me. Little stupid things, like the wicked heartburn I am having, the box of different things that my oldest used to set on my belly to watch fall off as soon as they would move around.
I washed sheets today again, and some how missed a pillow case last time because when I picked the pillow up out fell the journal I had started with so many of the feelings I had written down when I first found out it was twins, how much in love i was with the two already, yet so stressed and wondered if I could handle it. I complained about where I was going to put them as we have no room. sad I never kept up with that journal,such a break between that jornal and I started journaling later on my blog
I feel so lonely tonight, so empty feeling. I have a headache from crying so long
my girls are sleeping, most of the ppl I used to talk to online don't talk to me much anymore as most don't know what to say to me. The select few that do i am so thankful I have but nights are the hardest on me. and tonight it feels like the walls are closing in on me and if I move they are going to overpower me and I wont ever be able to get out.
I am so sorry that you are had such a bad night. I know that utter desperation and crushing pain. I wish that I had journaled about Damien. I would love to have that reminder of every thing that I went through. I miss every little ache and pain and bit of discomfort that I went through.
I understand how empty you feel and the devastation at the loss. I can only hope that you find some peace. I still cry myself to sleep every night. I too think of all of the times that my daughter would lay her head on my belly just to feel Damien kick.
Please know that this board is a safe haven and you are welcome to come here to vent, or cry, or just to let it all hang out. I truly take comfort in the pms that we have had also. You are always free to pm me about anything.
It is sad that all of us have such a painful bond to share, but we do share it. At least here you will not here the platitudes and crap of "I know how you feel". Here it really is a true statement. Hang in there sweetheart. I truly believe that our angel babies are playing together and just waiting for us.