Having some bad days

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Having some bad days

Well it is the holiday season and I am falling apart. I miss my daughter who I miscarried in 07. I miss my parents who passed away over 10 years ago. I miss my dog where we had to put to sleep this past June because he couldn't walk anymore (he was 17)

I just can't help but to feel sorry for myself. I have always wanted children and it has been 4 years of trying for a baby. 3 of which were IVF because I have PCOS and diabetic. We tried clomid and then went on to IVF. One miscarriage in 07 at 16 weeks (Rebecca) and one blighted ovum this past October.

I wonder if I should continue to try. The heartbreak is hard and the recover from a loss puts a toll on the marriage and your health. My head says try again but my heart is so scared. I have 9 embryos frozen so another round of IVF won't be so complicated but the rollercoaster of emotions is what I am concerned about.
Not that anyone has the answers but how do you know when it is time to give up? I can still hear my clock ticking but I am just scared to feel the heartbreak again.

Thanks for reading.
Robin

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

:bigarmhug: I'm sorry for all your losses. Holiday seem to magnify our bad feelings.

Only you can decide when you've had enough -- maybe put off deciding for a while, but decide when you're going to decide? For instance, dont' decide now, but agree (with yourself) to decide by February 1st. That way, you can stop thinking about it for now.

beckastar's picture
Joined: 01/09/08
Posts: 120

I'm so sorry for your losses and the hard times thaat the holidays bring :bighug:

As pp said, I think only you will know when you've truly had enough.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

The Holiday Season is always hard for poeple. It is made to be such a "happy time" by the media and everyone expects us to "be happy". Please allow yourself to grieve, do not feel like you need to "be happy" to please others. It is ok to cry.
Hug!

Joined: 11/14/08
Posts: 105

I agree that you need to allow yourself to grieve for all of your losses. I know what you are going through. This post hit home for me. We have been trying for almost 4 years and then I finally got pregnant in September and had a m/c at 10 1/2 weeks. I am scared too and it is hard to know what to do. My DH wants to try again in January but I am scared of having another m/c and I wonder if we should try IUI or keep trying on our own. Maybe you need to take a break and take some time to decide what is best for you. Infertility and pregnancy loss combined is a very hard thing to deal with. It feels like I want a baby so bad but at the same time have to be cautious. It's like I'm trying to protect myself from getting hurt again but I know that I need to go through the pain and heartache to get what I so badly want. Do you know what I mean? I hope that things work out for you and if you ever need to talk we are all here to listen!

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I'm sorry Robin, I am experiencing, to some degree, similar feelings. So heartbroken for our losses and just not sure what to do. Hugs and prayers.

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Sending hugs your way Robin. I wish I had a way to make it all work out for you.

Lace's picture
Joined: 11/20/03
Posts: 27

I sat down and cried today for seemingly no reason and wondered if I am depressed and need medication but then I realized I am just grieving. I still get out of bed every day and take care of my family. But there are moments...especially here at the holidays when I get down. Grief is a natural part of life and we have to let ourselves grieve.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Dont you hate feeling bad about feeling bad! Its just not fair and sometimes people dont get it. We do! Come here and talk about it any time! Infertility and losses on top of that make it really dificult to make a decision without emotions tied in there. You do what you need to do.

Joined: 12/16/08
Posts: 3

Robin..
I tried for awhile after the loss of my son to have another baby and I finally decided to take some time for myself. To fully grieve and go through all the "steps".. do whatever regressing I may need to do. You are the only one who can decide when you've endured all you can and then look for other options. My best advice is to take some personal time. Maybe get healthier or spiritual (if that's something that interests you) and then try again when you've given yourself a rest. They only light I can give myself on my down days.. with empty arms.. is "good things come to those who wait!"

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

[QUOTE=spottedjagiwar]Dont you hate feeling bad about feeling bad! QUOTE]
Well put, "spotted jaguar"!!!!

Now Robin, I'm so glad you have written in about this, and I'm sure that all of these loving posts have helped you. It's good to know that you're cared about, isn't it? And that your thoughts and feelings are normal.

I just wanted to extend my hugs to you too, and reassure you that yes, when you've had 'enough' with ttc, you'll know it.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to concern yourself about any of this. Most of the time when I conceived, it actually happened without trying. Conversely, when I put the pressure on myself ttc, it usually didn't happen (for me, anyway). It's a very personal decision, but my lovely psychologist MIL explained to me that, ironically, we are more likely to conceive when we aren't trying so hard -- because we have less stress. She did her PhD on female stress management, so her words carry a lot of merit.

Please do what you feel is right for you. It is your choice. And we're here for you, hun.

Great big bear hugs,
Nicole

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

How are your doing?

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