Hello Ladies! (xp)

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Uropachild's picture
Last seen: 4 years 7 months ago
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176
Hello Ladies! (xp)

I havent been around this week posting, but i've been lurking here and there.

It would have been Zane's first birthday on Tuesday, so DH and i got a cute 1st birthday balloon and released it with a note on it. I took some pictures for my scrapbook too. A lot of the ladies i know from preg.org also sent up baloons for him, so i am completely over the moon about that. I hope he shares them with Ada in heaven! Wink

Wednesday was a year since Zane died so we went for a walk in the crematorium gardens. His ashes were sprinkled there, but he has no marker. I didnt cry while i was there. It just reaffirmed to me the reason why we didnt get a marker. Zane isnt there and he never was. I carried him in our home and everywhere i went with me for nine months while he was alive. The crematorium isnt the right place for us to go to grieve. We grieve every day at home. Wherever we are and whatever we do. We feel the gap he left quite strongly no matter what.

I'm still feeling incredibly sad a lot of the time and often find myself sitting vacantly staring, thinking about nothing in particular. I called the counsellor on Friday, but she wasnt there, so she will call me back this week. I'm still have the odd problem sleeping, but i think it's born out of daytime lethargy rather than genuine insomnia.


Last seen: 4 years 1 month ago
Joined: 03/11/07
Posts: 67

You have been through so much this year Sarah.:( I can't even begin to think how I would react. But, you're right about one thing...Zane and Ada will live forever in you and Scott's heart. They will be part of your lives and you will never forget that brief period of time when they were with you both.

Last seen: 7 years 11 months ago
Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

What a wonderful way to spend Zane's 1st birthday....I happy so many other women joined in to remember his day, the way you and your dh did, as well....

I can just picture Zane and Ada running around happily with balloons in hand...

You will see them again one day Sarah.. :bighug:


Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry Sarah, but I can just imagine all the balloons that everyone sent to him.

We are here for you anytime.

Robin (((HUGS)))

mommyx6's picture
Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

I am glad you had a decent day.I am so sorry about him passing though.

2Denise1010's picture
Last seen: 4 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/01/06
Posts: 53

I am sorry you have been through so much. :bighug:

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm glad you found some peace.
You could be having anxeity which is why you can not sleep.


OneLuckyLady's picture
Last seen: 3 years 2 months ago
Joined: 04/12/07
Posts: 129

Oh Sarah, you are one strong woman. I am so sorry that you ever needed to be as strong as you are. {{{Huugs}}} You and your family are always in my thoughts.

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852


sounds crazy I know but I lurk here quite a bit, you are all so strong and I get by many days by using your positive attitudes and wisdom.

I was talking to my mom tonight (my dad will be dead one yr Nov 7th) and we were talking about life and passing and my dad being in a better place than living with cancer and the pain.....I mentioned you and your story of loss to her and she cried for you as I am now and do often. It seems so cruel for one person to experience so much loss, I did not realize that Zanes birthday was already here ( I have followed your story for a while now) but I hope that there is some peace in knowing that your strength helps many who are not as strong get by.

I feel as though I am rambling and I feel a bit out of place posting but I wanted to tell you that I think of you and your family often and pray for your peace and happiness every time you enter my thoughts.

I am off to bed....the alarm will be going off before I know it. I will pray for you, DH, Zane and Ada while hoping that your two beautiful babies are playing with all the balloons filled with love that were sent to them. I know that Zane will be the big brother and share with sweet Ada. You are strong beyonds words and an inspiration to many.

Hope my posting here is not an issue.

shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 6 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I cannot even imagine the things that you have went through. Your strenght is such an inspiration to me. You are such an amazing woman and I truly look up to you. I was unable to release balloons for Zane, but I thought of all of you on that day. I wish you peace and serenity.


SAHM2AZL&K's picture
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 06/08/05
Posts: 32

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Love you to bits, Sarah.


Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I dont have the words to say to express how I feel. I wish I did, but I cannot come up with the appropriate things to say.

I wish I knew why such saddness has been given to such a wonderful person. You share your time and compassion with so many women here, and have always known the supportive thing to say to make us feel better.

You are an amazing woman, and I hope you are able to realize how much love and support you have here.


Last seen: 4 years 5 days ago
Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

Sarah you are an awesome mommy to Zane and Ada. I'm sorry that you have had to go through so much. ((HUGS))

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am always thinking of you.

You are such a strong woman.

Take time to grieve anyway and any time that you need too.


Last seen: 5 years 3 months ago
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371


Sorry I haven't been around much lately. I hope you are doing okay. Hugs to you.

careyayn22's picture
Last seen: 4 years 12 months ago
Joined: 09/01/06
Posts: 54

I've been thinking about you...especially on the 15th when we lit our candle and looked through Beckett's things...I thought of Zane and Ada too.

Beckett's birthday is coming up Nov 16th. We could never figure out where to put his ashes...so they stay with us....but I know what you are saying. Nowhere feels like the right place...they are always with us.

Last seen: Never ago
Joined: 11/29/05
Posts: 49

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I too can just see Zane and Ada playing with all those balloons and feeling the love they were filled and sent with. :neonflower:

Last seen: 1 year 7 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

What a lovely way to remember Zane--thank you for sharing that with us. You have an amazing source of strength and are an inspiration here.

sweetpetunia's picture
Last seen: 4 years 11 months ago
Joined: 08/31/06
Posts: 76


Sarah, I'm glad you found a way to celebrate Zane's birthday. I'm sorry, I haven't been around much, but I've been thinking about and praying for you a lot, especially in the past week or two. You've just been in my heart and on my mind lately. :bigarmhug: