Today is the first anniversary of Damien's having been born into the arms of God.
A friend found the following passage in a book about meditation. It really spoke to me and I felt like I had to share.
When a Dark Memory Returns...
Don't fight it.
Permit the intrusion without regret.
Let the memory or old feeling have it's way with you.
The sadness of a lost love, a rebuke or betrayal, or a hurt that cut deeply left you wounded. It returns, takes your breath away, gives you pause.
Measure the depth of the hurt, but from the safe distance time provides.
Know that because the hurt is past, the resentment will cool.
Don't push the painful feeling or memory away.
If you let it through without resisting it, it will pass.
Push it away and it will build, seeking the expression it needs to relieve the old pressure.
That is the way of old pain, pressing to the surface till it fades. Old pain comes in waves.
How can you stop a wave?
Ride the reappearance of your old emotions, but don't try to hold them back. You'll use up your energy, lose faith in yourself, doubt your strength and wholeness, and ruin your day.
Let the old hurt pass, acknowledging all that it means, and in that moment it will be gone. The hurt is diminished, and so is the likelihood of return.
The moment is returned to you.
I allow memories to return and have their way.
I let the past replay but do not live in it.
I let old feelings flow through me on their way to peace.
Thank you for sharing those very powerful and wise words. Wow. Live it: don't run away from it. Indeed.
Awesome stuff, and oh so true. Interesting the imagery of waves. For me, the unbearable agony (when I lost my first baby) was like a wave that came crashing on the shore: it engulfed me -- and then the ebb receded, ripping my heart out. When it receded, it washed away everything else that was in my (very busy) head, and all that was left on the shore was all that I really needed to look at: my love for my little Alex, and my shattered heart. The waves kept coming, and continued to wash everything else away. In my mind, it was clear that I needed to work on my grief, you see.
You're right: acceptance is the key, though it can be such a struggle to achieve it. (I sure struggled). But once we stop resisting something that's beyond our control anyway, we greatly diminish its power to harm us so deeply.
You are in my thoughts and my heart at this time especially, Shelly.