Hi my name is heaven im 21 and im just trying to find something anything to help me and well heres my story.
I found out i was pregnant back in 07' and i was excited but nervous.Everything was going great i heard babys heartbeat and then at 13 weeks i went to the doctors and there was no heartbeat i was a wreck and got really depressed after that i named her Eva marie and all i wanted was to have a baby so bad.Well 6 months later i was pregnant and everything went great and on May 22nd of 08' i had a little girl and her name is Kylie and the love of my life she just turned 2.Then on her 1st birthday i found out i was pregnant and this is were the tears start to fall so hard.We found out we were going to have another little girl and i was due February 6th,2010 i was so happy a mommy of all girls.Everything was great then i went in for my 36 weeks check up and all is great heard her heartbeat and was so happy that i was almost there and that was a Tuesday January 4th 2010 well January 9th i was at work and realized i was in labor left my job and had my dad pick me up to take my out there my husband was at work and i told him to stay there cause i wanted to make sure i was in labor well we get out there and the nurse gets my hooked up on my stress monitors and says yes you are in labor but were having trouble finding the babys heartbeat i was so scared to hear what they were about to tell me and then they did "Honey im so sorry but your baby dosent have a heartbeat and we will have to induce labor in the morning".January 10th i gave birth to my Daughter Karlie Renee she was 6lbs 4oz beautiful.They told me i had a placental aburption i was 37 weeks when she passed.That was the hardest thing in the world for me to have to do and what made it even more worse was when my 2yrs old got there and gave her a kiss and said bye bye baby sister i mean it was sweet but if killed me inside and still dose its only been 6 months.It hurts so much i just keep remembering telling her that she was going to have a sister i promise and i fell like i let her down.Ive been pregnant 3 times and i have 1 beautiful baby girl.The funeral was bad for me to see my baby in a cofen i didnt know if i could do it but all i wanted to do was look at her and try to remember as much as i could. I think about her all the time and i have alot of pictures of her and when my daughter see's pictures of her she says thats my baby sister karlie. I just keep asking why what did i do i dont know and its gotten a little better but not much but with time im sure i will heal. Thank you for reading this and sorry for it being so long.
I am so sorry for your losses. It sounds like you have been holding in a lot of emotions for a long time. I am glad you are able to share your story with us. There is no magic words that we can say to ease you pain, only know that you are not alone.