Hi Ladies. I guess I'm ready to talk. (m/c ment)

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Alissa_Sal's picture
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Hi Ladies. I guess I'm ready to talk. (m/c ment)

I started a journal where I could get my thoughts and feelings down (http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/showthread.php?t=636514) so I won't go through the whole story and timeline again, but anyway I just found out on Monday that I have suffered my first miscarriage. I've been coming to this board for a couple of days, but I just didn't really feel ready to talk about it yet.

The thing that amazes me is how sad I can feel about something that I only knew about for 2 weeks. I literally miscarried 2 weeks from the day I found out I was pregnant (at about 8 1/2 weeks.) Like, imagine losing anything else after only two weeks. Imagine losing a relationship if you had only dated for two weeks, or a job that you had only had for two weeks. You might be angry and confused, but you probably wouldn't be overly sad. I probably wouldn't anyway. But this isn't like that. I feel like I lost a whole potential future. I can't really explain it better than that. And (off and on) I am FURIOUS. Like, why me? This sounds so awful, but I honestly feel like I don't "deserve this." As if anyone ever deserves it. No one does. But I still keep going through my head about how "healthy" I am, and how I take such good care of myself, particularly when I'm pregnant, like that means I don't "deserve" to have to go through this. It's stupid. No one ever deserves this, and anyway, it's not like you can make yourself healthy enough to guard against genetic anomalies and what not.

Anyway, I figured if anyone would understand this, you ladies would. I'm so sorry for all of your losses too. It gets easier, right?

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I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. The range of emotions you are feeling is common. It is true, it is not fair. It down right sucks that any of us has to suffer the loss of a child/pregnancy. No one deserves this. You did nothing wrong. Yet, why did this have to happen. I wish I could answer that as it would bring many people comfort.
It is ok to grieve, even if you were “only” two weeks. I think we fall in love with the baby and the idea of what the baby will become the minute we see the second pink/blue line pop up on the test. It is the potential for the future and what could have been that we lose. The “what ifs” start to come in. Allow yourself time to grieve and to heal

Alissa_Sal's picture
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Thanks Missy. It's good to get all of these feelings off my chest.

Mom2ThreeKiddos's picture
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Hugs to you Alissa. I had a loss back in May and I totally understand how you feel. It will take time. Make sure you take care of yourself and take the time you need to grieve. I am so sorry. Hugs to you!

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I understand, Alissa. It doesn't matter if you only knew for two weeks. Your son or daughter had begun their life inside of you, and it ended early. It was still very much a loss. :bigarmhug:

~Mary

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sorry about your loss. I had one 3 weeks ago and a d&c 2 weeks ago. It has gotten a tad easier so far, but not much. I am also finding out about friends that are pregnant now. Being around little babies makes me wanna cry, too. I kind of shield myself from those things if I can Sad

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:bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug: :bigarmhug:

mommys's picture
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I'm so sorry. I do understand how attached you get to the "future" baby you are going to have, it happens almost immediately. Please remember that you are not a failure though. This is not your fault and most likely not your body's fault either. :bigarmhug:

Alissa_Sal's picture
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Thank you every one for your support. Smile