Please feel free to post any Holiday messages to your Angel(s) here.
Your "due date" is just around the corner December 3 and I can't help to think about what you would look like and be doing for your first birthday. My heart breaks all over again thinking about you. I know you were just too little to stay with mommy and daddy and that God needed you with him because you were so special but I miss you and want you in my arms just one more time. I regret not taking more pictures of you and at times I regret not burrying you with your grandparents. I know they are taking care of you in heaven and I am grateful that you are not alone.
Mommy and Daddy miss you everyday, please know there isn't a day that goes by that you are not thought about. This house is empty without you.
I love you so much, now and forever.
Mommy and Daddy
My dearest darling boy,
Damien, words cannot begin to cover how much we all miss you. The holidays bring that pain to a clearer, sharper point as family is the focus of it all and our family will never be whole again. Daddy and I think of you every day and do our best to live our lives in a way that will make you proud of us.
Your sister, Frankie, asks of you occasionally and we do our best to answer her questions honestly and lovingly. We think of what you would look like, what your little personality would be like. My heart aches for what we are missing.
You were so desired and we still want you so very much. You will forever be in our hearts.
My dearest angel boy, please shine in the love of your family here on earth as you are held in comfort and safety of the arms of your family in heaven. Stay happy and loved until I can hold you in my arms once again.
I love you my son. I have loved you since before we created you and will love you through all eternity.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving and the day you passed away. I am thankful for you. For the 6 and 1/2 weeks we had with you on Earth. I am thankful I was able to hold you while you were well and hold you as you passed.
You will always be our baby girl, and we will always love and miss you. Happy Thanksgiving, baby girl. I am thankful that you are at peace.
This is a letter I wrote in memory of my son, Miller.www.geocities.com/millersmama
"I know the only way to get beyond it is through it."
You're alone and the house is quiet. All the familiar creaks, the sound of the wind outside, the dishwasher running, cars on the street going by. The sounds of loneliness. The ache of your heart louder than anything you've ever heard. I know the feeling of missing so intensely that I don't think I can handle the pain. Suffering so deep, so profound, that nobody understands that this suffering is the texture of my life. And yet, I'm alive and will wake up tomorrow, and the next day, and I'll go on.
Life after tragedy is about "going on".. it's been 3 years, 10 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day since Miller passed away. The holidays are very hard for me and I have chosen, in the past, to ignore them.. completely. This year I felt the urge to put up a tree. Miller would be 4 years old and I know in my heart he would be fascinated with the tree and all the glowing lights. I imagine we'd spend forever waiting in line at the mall for a picture with Santa and I would go insane trying to wrap all of his many, many toys he would get. I look at my live tree that is placed in the living room and my heart smiles. However, it's a half smile, as half of me is gone. I can no longer live my life hiding behind the shield that I have placed over my face like a veil. Maybe this year I will ease my way into things.. maybe I'll have a breakdown. I do know that I can count on my family and friends to know that my progress.. MAY regress.. but to accept it as a good foot forward in my grief "race". Baby steps..
I am extremely proud of myself and I know that others are too. It scares me that they may think I'm doing so well and then I will go back into my usual grief patterns. Hopefully my friends and family will have faith in me.. like the faith I have in the "fact" that I WILL see my son again.
I never knew how deep hurt could be.. living my childhood, being obese and being (what I call) "tortured" throughout life by cruel people who saw me as the lazy, no good, fat-so they had been taught to hate and poke fun at. That was nothing compared to the pain I suffer.. down to the nail beds, daily. I won't lie.. there are days when I think of Miller and my loss and do not cringe and shudder with complete lonliness and sorrow. But the pain has eased now.. and my body doesn't ache. I can do my best to move on with the slight thought and remembrance of Miller in the back of my mind.
Every year.. people make wishes at Christmas time. Especially those I know that go to church. My wish, this year, is to continue on my path to living carefree and with great faith in myself and my memories of my son. To love and cherish every person in my life that is always a shoulder to cry on and a smile when I am at my worst. And maybe next year.. it won't just be a tree. There will be lights outside and inside my heart as the pain of my loss might possibly be lighten by love and compassion.
Merry Christmas, baby girl. It's been 4 weeks since we lost you, and not a day has gone by that we haven't thought about you. I talk to you every night. I look for you in the stars. I know you were with Aunt DeDe, wathcing out when your big nana got hurt. Thank you both for saving her life.
You were my miracle. Your daddy and I were so blessed - we conceived you on the first try. And we couldn't wait to have you in our arms, but we never expected things to turn out the way they did. We miss you so much, but we are so grateful to have had you HERE for 6 1/2 weeks.
I'm at nana and papa's house for Christmas. I would give anything to be sitting in the NICU with you though. Putting on your baby's first Christmas bib, since you were too smal for clothes. Maybe you would have been bigger by now.
My grief for you is so intense. There are very few "remember when" moments. Just - remember how Gabi loved hats? Remember the first time I was able to hold you? But there are so many "what if" and "should have been/would have been" moments.
You changed my life, baby girl. You gave me patience and strength. You taught me to value each moment I have with my loved ones.
You probably saw, Daddy bought me a necklace for Christmas. It has 3 diamonds - one for him, me, and you.
I know you're with me all the time, watching over, helping out. I can feel you sometimes, like when I wake up and I had a good dream about you and I'm not sad about losing you, but happy for having you. I know you were with me those nights.
So, Merry Christmas, Gabi. I'll love you forever. I wish you were here with us this Christmas, but I know you're around.
Lots of love,