Holidays are hard

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Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Holidays are hard

Man the Holidays are hard. I am trying so hard to be strong and to enjoy this season but the thoughts of my little Rebecca, born at 16 weeks, still lurks into my head. I miss being pregnant and I am so jealous at those that I know are pregnant. It hurts thinking about what I am missing. I hate that I torture myself lurking at the birth month boards. I think as I look, Oh that is how far along I was and man I wish I would have felt her kick and move. I also get angry at those complaining about their pregnancy symptoms. I WISH I had morning sickness and that my vajaja hurt.

I guess since the mourning process can take time I can chalk up all these feelings to "normal". Rebecca was born June18, 2007 so I guess I can still miss her and be jealous for what I never had. I just feel empty at times and I hate the jealousy and the heartache. I wish my daughter was here for Christmas. I know she is in the Best place ever in heaven but I miss her so much.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Holidays are hard. The whole idea of Christmas is designed around children and when you lose one it is all the harder. It is OK to grieve for you little one. I miss mine too!

beckastar's picture
Joined: 01/09/08
Posts: 120

Holidays are definitely hard. This would have been Gabi's first Christmas if she had live. Or I would be almost 39 weeks pregnant if things had goon smoothly.

:bighug:

It's ok to grieve - I miss Gabi too.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Hugs. This holiday season has been rough for me also. My edd was in about 4 days, and I am pretty sure I would have been holding a baby by now. It aches and aches that I am not pregnant again and that af decided to show yesterday, just to make it all a little bit worse. Sad I also should have had a little 10mo old or so, and well, there are no little babies around our house this year. Sad