Horrible sad day
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  1. #1
    rh1430
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    Default Horrible sad day

    I woke up this morning longing to see my baby girl. I thought I was doing better but this morning the tears have just been flowing. I m/c with delivery in June, so I know it hasn't been that long but all the crying isn't going to bring her back. I have done everything I know to remember her. I have a necklace, my husband got her initial tattooed, we have a memorial rock in our garden, I bought a christmas ornament with her name and date on it. But I feel like I need family and friends to recognize this lost. Nobody speaks her name accept my husband and I. Can't they tell that I need this. How do I approach the subject. I really don't want to upset anyone but I LOST MY DAUGHTER. She was very real to me. I was 16 weeks pregnant, saw the heartbeat, saw her move on ultrasound. Yet they(family) don't bring it up. It is frustarating and I am sure causing me some of my anxiety issues. Does your family mention your sons or daughters name? Do they acknowledge your losses? How do you approach the subject with them?

  2. #2
    Posting Addict Uropachild's Avatar
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    So sorry your family arent comfortable mentioning your baby girl. Some people just arent comfortable with loss, especially the loss of a baby. Sometimes it takes going through it yourself to really understand what it means.

    Perhaps you could write a letter or an email? To help them understand what it means to you to have them acknowledge your loss more.

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    I can so relate. I lost my daughter in November, and still no one will talk to me about her. If the subject is mentioned by someone else, its always about what happened, not her. So finally I just sat down and told them all. She was real!!!! And it hurts me more that no one acknowledges that than it does when you ask really stupid questions. At least with the questions, they are at least admitting that Nataley was alive. My best friend was pregnant while I was, and too this day, she still hasn't spoke her name. Sorry, not really any advice in there, just wanted to let you know that your not alone in your situation.

  4. #4
    Prolific Poster careyayn22's Avatar
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    My friends and family have been very supportive of our loss, but I have to say that only one or two people ever bring Beckett up on their own or say his name (mostly my good friend who promised me that she will never forget him and will always mention him) . I bring him up in conversation often (not too often, but when it makes sense to mention him),and I can see some people are uncomfortable, but I figure they will just have to get used to it. He was, is and will continue to always be part of our life. He will always be our child.

    I agree with Sarah....maybe a letter might help.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rh1430 View Post
    But I feel like I need family and friends to recognize this lost.
    How very true! People ask how I am but I want to hear Lily's name. I have told a few people that although it may bring tears to my eyes talking about her or hearing her name is music to my ears.

    I am fortunate to have a photo so I have shared Lily's photo just so that I can help people realize that she was real.

    There is a beautiful post on this site from someone (flutterby4) who sent an email to her family and friends. You might use it as a guideline for writing an email/letter to your family and friends. Your loss is significant and I think you need to let your family know how important your child is to you. You had hopes and dreams for a future with this baby and you were in love with him or her right from the start.

    Take Care

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    Supporter flutterby4's Avatar
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    I am so sorry for your loss dearest. I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain just a little, but I know that isn't possible. We lost our angel at 8 weeks, but found out on 9/11 at 10 weeks, we never knew for sure, but we both just felt like she was a girl. We still talk about her and so does my best friend, but not many other people bring it up now. Most even get a little quiet when I bring it up. My SO has been a tattoo artist for more than 11 years now and I got a tattoo for our baby. It's a tattoo of a painting of an acorn, if that made sense. We did a really old elaborate picture frame and it looks like it is really just a painting in a frame of an acorn with a leaf coming out of it on my arm. Maybe I'll post a pic when it's finished. We decided on the acorn more for the symbolism of growth than anything, but I love it and it has helped me to have it. Tons of people still ask how I am, but really I wish that would just stop, I don't like them thinking I will fall apart at any minute all the time, but I suppose at least they are thinking of me. I agree with the suggestions to write a letter or e-mail. I posted the one that I sent to my family and friends and it did help some. People tend to listen more when they can see things in black and white. You are more than welcome to use the one I wrote, all or in part, if you are comfortable with that and would like to. Mine may not be exactly how you felt, but sometimes writing down how we feel can help more than anything. We are all here if you need us...you're in my thoughts and prayers...

    Sometimes when I'm down I try to remember this, maybe it will help some too....'Just keep breathing. The sun will come up tomorrow and you never know what the tide will bring'.~it's from the movie Castaway. It helps me sometimes to remind myself that I am stronger than I think and it will be ok.

    Amy

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    I am so sorry. I agree maybe a letter would help. Maybe they are afraid that you will have a breakdown and cry. It's very hard, I know. So sorry! Big hugs.
    Erin

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    Posting Addict shellyhudson's Avatar
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    I am so sorry that you have to go through this kind of pain. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the depth of the despair that you are feeling. We have Damien's name brought up a lot around here, but half of the time it is for the wrong reasons. We are embroiled in a lawsuit over the death of our child. I understand about wanting others to recognize the life and not the loss however. A few close friends will bring him up but usually if the subject turns to Damien it is because we brought him up.

    I have told people that I want to talk about him, that it helps me to heal. I may cry---weep even--but it is a good thing and what I need. I even have a photograph on my desk at work for anyone to look at if they want.

    I am rambling and hope that you can feel the hugs that are being sent your way. Each day brings new feelings and new ways of dealing with life. Please allow yourself to grieve. I have been told that the first year is the hardest with facing all of the firsts. You can make it through this, unfortunately the world doesn't stop for us like we would like it to, but we will all survive. We will be forever fractured, never completely whole, but we will survive.

    All of the ladies here have been amazing beyond belief for me and I hope that you find that here as well. Hang in there babe. I wish you peace.

    Shelly

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    I am so sorry that your family is not being more supportive. I second the others, maybe writing a letter to let them know your feelings and that talking about her, saying her name, etc will help you heal. Hugs!

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    I am so sorry for your loss. Your family probably thinks that it is too painful to say her name in a conversation. I am sure that if you told them or wrote an email to them explaining how you feel they would understand.

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