how did my life turn out this way

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Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
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how did my life turn out this way

I lost my daughter in June. Before the loss I was happy and hopeful and really excited. After the lost I was numb and depressed. I developed Post tramatic Stress disorder with extreme panic attacks and depression. I have been on Medication for it since August. I guess something is working because I realized last night that this is not my life. How did I let it swirl so out of control? I am out of work on disability, I can't even think about my next pregnancy until I am mentally healthy again, so our life is on hold. I don't like the person that I had become after the loss and I am trying to fight my way out of the darkness. My husband says I did not have any control over the anxiety and depression it controlled me and he is right, but now I feel guilty for putting my life and his on hold. We have 10 beautiful embryos waiting for us for IVF. I want and need to feel myself again. I don't know if what i am feeling means I have seen the light or am I just feeling sorry for myself.
Did any of you go through this or anything similiar?

I thank you for your support, you ladies have become the family that I don't have. Thanks
Robin

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Last seen: 5 years 10 months ago
Joined: 12/09/06
Posts: 74

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope things start to turn around for you soon. :bigarmhug:

Teresa

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Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I don't have any advice for you...just sympathy. I stopped taking zoloft this summer because I was doing so much better, but right after I m/c I called my dr but I couldn't get an appt until Nov. 12. Some days I don't feel like I'll make it til then YKWIM? DH said I need to call them back to get an earlier appt, but I haven't. Do you think your meds are working? Talk to your dr because maybe they can increase the dosage or switch you to something else. I am glad your DH is so supportive. Once you feel more like yourself you'll be ready for those little embryos!

I too am thankful for this board because I really don't have anyone that I can talk to IRL either.

shellyhudson's picture
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Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

One, we are all going to "feel sorry for ourselves" for a very long time. We deserve to. We have lost the most precious gift a person can ever be given. Two, it does sound like you have found your turning point. I am not trying to be a downer, but I do want to remind you that you may have future setbacks. That doesn't mean that you are not a good person or that you should be angry with yourself. It just means that you are experiencing the grief of losing a child. No family should ever know that pain, but unfortunately everyone of us does. Your husband sounds very supportive. Lean on him when you need to. Maybe a grief counselor would help. I am finding it quite helpful. Just a suggestion. Please come here and let us know how you are feeling any time. I wish you peace and strength.

shelly

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Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 08/09/05
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I am so pleased you have found a moment of clarity. Good for you that you intend to come back to yourself.

:bighug: