How do you break the news to family?

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Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000
How do you break the news to family?

DH and I are still avoiding telling our family members. We found out about our loss on Friday. We were going to call family on Monday but ended up in the ER instead. Neither of us feels ready to do it. Our families are spread across the midwest. We don't have anyone really close. The closest is DH's mom, who is 5 hours away. How do you handle this? How long can we wait before we start making phone calls?



Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

You do this whenever you feel ready to honey. Maybe you dont even have to do it at all. Is there a family member on both sides (yours and his) who you feel could ring round for you? Usually i find that families want to help in any way they can and by taking this small thing away from you having to do it would be a huge help to you and would make them feel useful if you know what i mean?

Or perhaps you could email everyone instead? I know some people may find email a little impersonal, but i find it easier to write things down than say them.

I know that you might want to put it off and it's fine to do it whenever you are ready. Just bear in mind that if people dont know they might put their foot in it and upset you inadvertantly.


So sorry you even have to think of this at all! Sad

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

I am so sorry for your loss...having to explain to family :comfort:

I don't have anything to add to the advice Sarah gave....I just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you...

Please keep us posted on how you are doing?? :bighug:


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I agree with Sarah. You do what you feel up to.
I am also sure that a family member/ friend would also be more than willing to help making the calls.

In an unfortunate situation like this, there are no "right" answers. Its all how you feel about handling it.


2Denise1010's picture
Joined: 11/01/06
Posts: 53

I also agree with Sarah. Do what feels best for you.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

hugs. Personally, I would probably email (but that only works for those that will read their email before too long). I too would see if a family member can make calls for you. That was definitely one of the harder parts for me, calling the few we did tell to let them know there was no baby.

newbie2all's picture
Joined: 02/02/07
Posts: 93

It was difficult for us to tell our parents. But as for the rest of the family we asked a few close family members and friends to quietly spread the word. I did this with some co-workers as well. Me and my DH came up with the way to answer incase someone asked us how the pregnancy was etc. I know it's hard on the person who asks too not knowing and I felt if I just said "I had a miscarriage" it would be a very awkward situation. So we would say:
"Things didn't work out for us this time. But someday we will try again soon"

This got the point across and didn't make people cry infront of me in public places. However, there have been a few people I hardly know who probably heard of my pregnancy through the grapevine that I will admit when they asked "aren't you pregnant" I did say "no that wasn't me. Maybe a bad way of coping... but then why should a stranger hear the story of my life.

deborah74's picture
Joined: 12/14/05
Posts: 698

I couldn't do it. I had dh call my parents for me, and I honestly can't remember if he called my sis or if my parents told her. He also told my best gf for me. I knew it would be too much and fortunately my dh was able to do that. He also told a few very close to me in our congregation and then word got out to the friends so they gave us lots of support.

I manage a children's clothing store and have been in the same location for around 8 years so I've met tons of women and talked about babies etc. It was huge news when I got married two years ago, and then soon after we started to try we all talked about it. I was very open that we were coworker was excited too and would say "oh deb's trying" I did not however tell any customers that I was pregnant just in case. A few months after our loss and when I was better able to deal with it, a select few I told them when they did the usual "anything new????" I said "well, I had good news but then we got bad news".... and I leave it at that, it takes them a second and they say im so sorry. ITs easier than saying the words for me and is less awkward. It may sound wierd to some that I talk about ttc to customers but it is a small store and its just like a beauty salon, we all talk about families, periods, children, dh's, everything so its very natural to us.

If my dh wasnt able to call for me, I might have emailed my sis as I know she reads her emails daily, and asked her to tell my parents/friend. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that, OR, you could email and ask them to call you asap then it might be easier than staring at the phone and trying to dial???

I'm so sorry for your loss, please tell dh i'm sorry for his loss too.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I had a hard time telling people about my last miscarriage because no one knew I was pregnant. That was horrible. But with every miscarriage (I've had 3) I've called my Mom and had David call my MIL. They called and told everyone else. I didn't want to talk about it. It's so private and personal that I just kind of wanted to stay in my own little cocoon.


Joined: 11/29/05
Posts: 49

So sorry for your loss. I too had difficulty sharing "the news". All of my co-workers knew I was pg, after 2 years failed fertility treatments and then a year later natural pg, so they were all so happy and thrilled for me. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. I had the manager quietly spread the word for me, and when I went back to work no-one asked me anything, just a quiet "I'm so sorry" and a hug. It helped. I wrote a letter to my (heart) mum (I don't have contact with my bio parents), so I didn't have to face having to tell anyone. Just take your time and do whatever feels right for you. You and your DH are the people that really count right now. My thoughts are with you :comfort:

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

Thanks for the advice. I think we are going to call both sets of parents and have them call everyone else. We told my good friend at work on friday, and I e-mailed her Monday to let people know at work. That made things easier on me. Still, I went in yesterday to have lunch with her (we usually do lunch once a week) and we both sat there and ate in near silence. I think it's good to have a friend with whom you can share both joy and sorrow. That's something I never had before.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry for your loss. I would tell your mom or his and then let them help tell the others. I am sure they will call or send cards and you can always just put the cards aside until you are ready. They may give you comfort in the months to come.

We told 4 close friends and family members and they spread the word. It was just too hard to relive it everyday to tell people. In time you will be alright to talk about it.

careyayn22's picture
Joined: 09/01/06
Posts: 54

We called just the parents and then I sent an E-mail to everyone and asked them to spread the word beyond that. I wasn't able to talk to people right away, and i apologized for the E-mail format, but I think people understood.