How do you handle comments?

12 posts / 0 new
Last post
Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
How do you handle comments?

It seems like every pregnant acquaintance needs to tell me about their pregnancies or they need to ask me things about what we are doing next or they need to comment on how much I am running sort of jealous that they can't. Everyone of them. I have gotten much better about being around pregnant women and about making comments....


sometimes I cannot contain myself.

So this woman who is 15/16 weeks pregnant sees me and holds her belly and puffs out her cheeks like "oh I am getting big and uncomfortable." This is a woman that knows the entire story about Rocco. I said to her "you are not complaining about being pregnant to me, are you?" she said "not complaining about being pregnant, my only complaint is that I have no clothes that fit." I said "no complaining to me about being pregnant." DH was there and proceeded to make me feel awful for what I have said. He made me cry. I just can't take it sometimes all the comments and complaints.

How would you have handled the situation and how do you refrain yourself from saying stupid things?

Last seen: 5 years 5 months ago
Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

I am so sorry to hear about Rocco. It is difficult when people make inappropriate comments. I hope that they are not making them intentionally. I think you need to let them know that their comment bothers you though.
Hindsight is always 20./20 and you always think of something else you should have / could have said. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you said but it obviously made you DH uncomfortable.

Perhaps you might have said "I rememeber beign at that stage in my pregnancy but I would go back there in a heartbeat if it meant I could have my Rocco in my arms." Or if you didn't make it to that stage then say " I didn't make it to that stage in my pregnancy but now I would give anything to have that be the worst of my problems. Pregnancy is a blessing cherish it."

I don't know what the magical words are but I think you are right to say something. You have every right to let your voice be heard.

Take Care

Uropachild's picture
Last seen: 4 years 9 months ago
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Honey i dont think you said anything wrong. I know it was maybe a little short, but GEEZ! Do these people not get it?! How DARE she parade in front of you complaining about being pregnant, knowing what you've been through!

It makes me mad!! I think that if i were in that situation i wouldnt have said anything, but i would have come away afterwards wishing i'd said something like you did. I'm just a big wuss that's all.


Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I too don't think there was anything wrong with what you said. I actually think it was pretty well controlled, considering all the really nasty things you could've said to her! You simply asked her not to complain to you. There's nothing unreasonable about that.

I don't understand why people make comments like that when they know you've suffered a loss. They did to me too. The only thing I can figure is that they just truly have no comprehension of how bad it is to lose a baby. After a little time has passed since the loss, they think you should be all good again and forget about it. I think pregnant women also have a tendency to get wrapped up in their own little worlds, and forget that the whole world isn't as interested in their pregnancy as they are.

Anyway, I'm so sorry. I'm also sorry your husband made you cry. My husband didn't really get it after our loss either. I think he just wanted us to get back to normal as quickly as possible and so the things he said were sometimes hurtful to me because I still needed to grieve long after the loss. Men just grieve differently than we do, I guess.


ducknjay's picture
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
Joined: 10/11/05
Posts: 71

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you responded to her. I think she was the one who acted innappropriately!

Sorry hun!!!

flutterby4's picture
Last seen: 8 years 5 months ago
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

There was absolutely nothing wrong with your response. You were much nicer than I would have been. I think I would really have lost it. Not that how angry I would have been would have been the correct way to be, but really, she was being so insensitive and you had every right to say what you did. She should feel bad not you. And I am so sorry that your DH made you cry. He should have said something to her, not to you. I am so very sorry dear. I wish I could have been there to yell at her for you...:bigarmhug:

Hannah502's picture
Last seen: 7 years 4 months ago
Joined: 03/05/07
Posts: 66

I am sorry that we seem to have to deal with things like this. I too agree that you didn't say or do anything inappropriate.

I have found that simply reminding someone of my losses tends to help. They usually change the subject or appologize.


Last seen: 8 years 4 months ago
Joined: 05/20/07
Posts: 28

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm not sure how I would have handled it. I think I would have just politely excused myself and walked away. I'm so sensitive still and don't like being around people in general since my loss but that would put me over the edge.

I'm sorry your DH made you feel bad about it. I'm sure that made it that much worse. Don't feel bad. Just take care of yourself. (((Big Hugs)))


shellyhudson's picture
Last seen: 6 years 7 months ago
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

You were way nicer than I would have been. I have no tolerance any more for people that act idiotically when they know my situation. If one doesn't know then I am usually able to say something like Damien passed and it gets left at that. I would have most likely completely flown off of the handle. Not the grown up way to be, but the honest answer to how i would have been. I hope that you get to feeling better soon. Shelly

careyayn22's picture
Last seen: 5 years 1 month ago
Joined: 09/01/06
Posts: 54

I am agreeing that you said nothing wrong. She should have apologized to you!

Last seen: 2 years 10 months ago
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

I too agree, you said nothing wrong, and I am sorry your dh thought you did. You were quite tactful and let her know that she knew better. Hugs!

connorsmum's picture
Last seen: 3 years 9 months ago
Joined: 11/29/02
Posts: 1160


I am really sorry that you have had to go through that hon. I also agree that you said nothing wrong. That woman should apologise for being so tactless.