I just wanted to know how everyone is doing so far during this holiday season? This is my first christmas without my little one, she was due dec 3. I am just hoping everyone is holding on and trying to stay positive. Let us know how you are doing and what we can do for eachother.
Doing okay here. Of course I would be better if I was pregnant again. I sometimes think how far along I would have been by now, and that we could have known the sex (were planning a surprise). I try to not think about those things though, cause it really gets me in a funk.
I have a terrible cold, and tomorrow is my birthday. I want my little girl with me. I just can't get into the Christmas spirit at all. I put some decals up on our windows with my son but I don't have the energy to put up a tree. I have barely started my shopping and truly don't want to do it. I know I have to fake it so that Thomas has a happy Christmas but it just seems so unfair that Lily is in a cold grave instead of home with us.
I'd just like to curl up in a ball and watch romantic comedies with hot cocoa and hagen daz.
Probably not the answer you were hoping for Robin. Sorry, feeling pretty down these days.
Thanks for asking. It is a bunch of highs and lows here. I posted a short while back asking for help with coping. It maynot be the best way to handle things, but for me avoidance is working. I have taken on a huge task at work that just doesn't allow me the time to think about anything else during the day. I hope that others are doing well.
More whining from me so feel free to by pass this if you'd like.
Well today is my birthday. I am home sick with a cold and DH is getting it too. He is a type one diabetic so he gets sick quite easily. He didn't get out to get me a card so I'm a bit bummed out (he's never done that before). He of course said happy birthday and apologized for not going out but the fact of the matter is he actually went out last night to the drug store - why didn't he get one then. If nothing else couldn't he have sent me a computer card.
So here I am another year older and with only one child (whom I am very grateful for). I mentioned ttc last night and DH started talking about feeling old and being concerned with health issues.
I am so completely bummed out. This is the worst birthday yet. I want Lily with us. Why wasn't she able to survive with the blood transfusions? Most babies survive and have no further complications. Why did my daughter have to die?
Tomorrow it 2 months since Alana died. I should be going to the dr to find out she is a girl, instead of mourning her loss.
Liam should be turning 7 months old.... this should be his first christmas. We should be celebrating as a family and buying a little ornament for the tree that says "baby's first christmas"
But instead I'm alone. And I will be alone on christmas day. The only reason I get through the days is because I keep busy at work. And even that is hard... I got a job at UPS for the season, delivering packages... but my midwife's office is on the route, my dr with Alana. I should be going there to see my baby and find out how she's doing... not watching other women be so happy to be there. We have to go everyday... and it kills me to watch the pg women and the babies... it really takes everything to not break down in tears everytime I walk through the door.
Its really really hard right now.
Mommy to 2 angels
Waiting for my marine to come home