How to stay strong? (PG MENT, CHILD MENT)
I had a m/c in May and assumed it was just one of those fluke things that happens since my first pregnancy ended with the birth of my healthy DS. So DH and I decided just to try again right away, and to our surprise I got pregnant immediately after my m/c. We didn't even wait for a normal cycle.
We were surprised with an early u/s because my doc's office wanted something for dating purposes. At that time I was 6w6d and the bean had a heartbeat. I was happy of course, but still terrified, even though everything seemed to be going okay. Last Wednesday, I hit 9 weeks and was devastated to wake up to some bleeding. It was brown, which I know they say is "old blood", but I dealt with this for 4 weeks before having my last m/c. So to me it seemed horribly abnormal. I had purchased a home doppler, and decided to use it, fully expecting it to be too early to find the heartbeat. I was overjoyed to find it quickly, but still worried about the bleeding. It lasted 2 days and was really light, then went away for a few days, so I thought maybe everything was okay. Then it came back yesterday, heavier, and with a little pink in it.
My doctor has been basically ignoring me saying that if I m/c this early, there's nothing that can be done about it. I understand that, but at the same time, I want answers and I would like someone to try to do something about it. So yesterday when the bleeding picked up, I freaked out and went to the ER. They did an u/s and said the bean still had a strong heartbeat and still looks normal. They couldn't find a reason for the bleeding. They did blood tests and a pelvic exam with tests for vaginal infections. Everything looked normal.
I called my doc to follow up and they are getting the records from my visit from the ER, so hopefully my doc will look at them, although I doubt it will do any good.
So basically... I'm just wondering how you guys keep the strength to keep going after a loss, what you've done to keep your sanity if you did get pregnant again, how you manage to keep TTC after a loss (or worse, multiple losses)...? I just feel like a mental case. DH and I have always said we'd like 3 kids, but I'm at the point where I would seriously consider quitting after 2. I would like for DS not to be an only child, but to be honest, I've considered just stopping with him, although that's really not preferable. I want him to have someone to play with, you know? Ugh...... I just don't know how people deal with loss after loss and still keep their chin up....???