I had a m/c in May and assumed it was just one of those fluke things that happens since my first pregnancy ended with the birth of my healthy DS. So DH and I decided just to try again right away, and to our surprise I got pregnant immediately after my m/c. We didn't even wait for a normal cycle.
We were surprised with an early u/s because my doc's office wanted something for dating purposes. At that time I was 6w6d and the bean had a heartbeat. I was happy of course, but still terrified, even though everything seemed to be going okay. Last Wednesday, I hit 9 weeks and was devastated to wake up to some bleeding. It was brown, which I know they say is "old blood", but I dealt with this for 4 weeks before having my last m/c. So to me it seemed horribly abnormal. I had purchased a home doppler, and decided to use it, fully expecting it to be too early to find the heartbeat. I was overjoyed to find it quickly, but still worried about the bleeding. It lasted 2 days and was really light, then went away for a few days, so I thought maybe everything was okay. Then it came back yesterday, heavier, and with a little pink in it.
My doctor has been basically ignoring me saying that if I m/c this early, there's nothing that can be done about it. I understand that, but at the same time, I want answers and I would like someone to try to do something about it. So yesterday when the bleeding picked up, I freaked out and went to the ER. They did an u/s and said the bean still had a strong heartbeat and still looks normal. They couldn't find a reason for the bleeding. They did blood tests and a pelvic exam with tests for vaginal infections. Everything looked normal.
I called my doc to follow up and they are getting the records from my visit from the ER, so hopefully my doc will look at them, although I doubt it will do any good.
So basically... I'm just wondering how you guys keep the strength to keep going after a loss, what you've done to keep your sanity if you did get pregnant again, how you manage to keep TTC after a loss (or worse, multiple losses)...? I just feel like a mental case. DH and I have always said we'd like 3 kids, but I'm at the point where I would seriously consider quitting after 2. I would like for DS not to be an only child, but to be honest, I've considered just stopping with him, although that's really not preferable. I want him to have someone to play with, you know? Ugh...... I just don't know how people deal with loss after loss and still keep their chin up....???
It is hard to stay positive when you have had a loss. It is human nature to prepare ourselves for the worse in cases like this to protect our emotional health.
Many women bleed through the entire pregnancy. The doctors are right, there is nothing they can do. But, it still sucks and I can understand your need to feel like a person and not another “number”. Doctor’s forget that sometime.
As hard as it may be, my suggestion would be to relax and put down the Doppler. Get some rest and relax. Searching for the heartbeat every hour is only going to drive you nuts. Put your feet up, watch some funny movies, eat some ice cream, and think about something else for a while.
Angels may not come when you call them, but they'll always be there when you need them.
-- Author Unknown
I made this original post 11 days ago. Last night, I had a big bleed. For the first time this pregnancy, the blood was bright red instead of brown. I'm still picking up the hb on my doppler, 160's. But... I just can't understand why I'm bleeding like this. My doctor (who I've been considering dumping) shows no real interest in trying to find a cause of the bleeding. I know there are things like subchorionic hematoma that can cause bleeding, but still end up okay more often than not. I'm praying it is something like this, but I have no idea.
Here's the thought that scares me the most. The heart is still beating, three days ago I had an u/s and saw a bean with squirmy little legs. I'm scared to death that there's nothing wrong with the baby, but for whatever reason, my body is rejecting it. I'm Rh+, so that's not an issue. Is it possible to m/c a normal baby? I think it's too early for cerclage (I'm not even sure if my cervix is open... 3 days ago, my doctor said it was closed). I just don't know what's going on with me.... I'm 11 days from the 13 week mark...
Of course these things happen on the weekend when the doctor's office is closed...
I'm so sorry. Bright red is definately scarier than the darker stuff, isn't it? I don't have answers for you, just lots of hugs. Having been through this miscarriage with the bleeding, I can really understand how scary this must be to you. The bleeding is so scary and the thought of losing your beautiful squirmy bean is a lot to have to worry about.
Bedrest! or as close as you can get! I know that is not medical advice, just my opinion, but it is what I would do.
Also, switch doctors! Do you have an appt with the other clinic yet? You need to have someone who is at least going to try to make you feel better. Your doctor is just being too laid back to fit your situation. You talked to him, but he hasn't changed - so you need to change. IMO
Sweetie, I'm so sorry. Please feel free to vent here. I will keep a watch on this thread (it is hard to go to the birthboard to often for me).
I talked to DH, and we are in total agreement now... I will call first thing Monday morning, and if they will not get me in same-day, we are moving to a different doctor. You're right... He's entirely too laid back about it. I understand that if I'm going to m/c, there's nothing that can be done this early. I know that. But the bean is still alive in there. Why won't he try to find out why I'm bleeding??? So anyway... I'm going to try to get in on Monday, and if he won't, we're switching doctors.
DH doesn't want to use the one practice I had mentioned because they're substantially farther away and do not deliver at the hospital closest to us (it's about 10 minutes from my home and work and has a good L&D reputation). That, plus the fact that they're closed Fri, Sat, and Sun makes me agree with him. I'm afraid that being closed 3 days per week will cause me to deal with similar problems with them being hard to contact.
So anyway, we'll see what happens on Monday. But at this point, I am 99% certain that I'll be finding a new doctor.
Really quick. I understand the distance factor and no delivering at your hospital factor. Those are decent reasons. I want to reassure you about the closed 3 days per week thing though. My midwives have a pager and when I was bleeding it was always in the evening or weekend (isn't that how it always works) so I used the pager system. They called me back and were wonderful each time. OBs/MWs work a lot of "off" hours so I can understand shorter office hours.
I hope you find someone wonderful to care for you.
Well... I've started losing tissue. Not a ton yet, and I'm not contracting/cramping heavily yet like I did with my last m/c, but maybe some light cramps. But my guess is it will happen before the weekend is over. I'm hoping desperately that it holds off until Monday so I can request a D&C. I just can't imagine going through this naturally again. I'm terrified this time because I know there's a real baby in there... I know it's heart was beating just a couple hours ago. I know it has squirmy little legs. And yet, my body is in the process of passing it. I'm devastated.
Now that I'm certain it's ending, I just want it over with so I can go back to being a good mother to DS. I feel like I've been neglecting him a little over the past few months with these terrible pregnancies and with the loss. I'm putting TTC and plans for future babies on hold for a loooong time and just focusing on DS and enjoying life for a while.
No, I don't think I'm going to the ER. I've been told repeatedly how there's nothing that can be done if you're going to m/c this early... So I just figure I'll wait until Monday morning and try to get in to see my doc.