Hugs Please (VENT)

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Jessa_2213's picture
Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 129
Hugs Please (VENT)

Hullo All.... I'm just having a retchid aweful horrible day. I've broken down to tears more times that I can count. I'm just so depressed... I feel alone and useless. I'm having a whole lot of money worries (IE: I don't have ANY!) and all my bills are overdue.
It just feels like everytime I pick my life up, dust it off, and start trying again. Something aweful horrible happens and it shatters to a million pieces and I'm left crying and unable to even think about putting them back together again.
I really don't know what to do any more... usually DH is here to cheer me up and make me feel better (somehow he always knows how), but right now I've got nothing.
I don't even know where to start to go about getting more money, I have no one I can ask to borrow it from even. I don't want to have to do something immoral to get it...but its starting to feel like there is no way to get money. Everyday it just feel like I get farther and farther behind... I feel like DH is going to come back and I'll be homeless because I can't even pay rent. I hate that when you can't pay something they start charging you late fees... if I can't pay the original amount how do you expect me to be able to pay rediculous late fees on top of it?
I hate that I lost my babies. And I hate that I lost my job. I hate that I'm alone. I hate that I don't have any money and there isn't anything I can do about it. I hate that I'm depressed and failing out of school. I hate that no matter how hard I try nothing every seems to work out. I hate being helpless.
...right now... I really hate me. I don't want to be me any more.
I'm all out of strength guys, I've been playing this game for too long. I can't always be at the bottom and still be okay. I'm done, I give up, I throw in the towel... Its too much, I CAN'T do it! I can't. I can't keep doing this and be okay... but I can't think of any way out either.
I think this is my breaking point. I really need help and I have nowhere to turn to get it. ...I honestly just don't know what to do anymore.

:help1::help1::help1:

~Jessa~
Always remembering my sweet angels
William Joseph @ 12 weeks 2 days
Alana Marie @ 9 weeks 2 days

Taking an Involuntary TTC Break
Counting the days until my Marine comes home

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Jessa

I can empathize with you. I have been down the path of having no money before and having debt collectors on the horizon. It takes time but you can get yourself free of it. You can try to start by contacting your bank and seeing if you can consolidate your debts. If you have tried that approach you can look into different forms of bankruptcy. I am sure it is different from state to state but here in Ontario we have what is called a division one proposal which they assume all your debts and negotiate with your lenders on an amount that you can afford to pay back. You then pay that amount back. Do an internet search for bankruptcy trustees in your area and talk to them about your options. It may take a few years to pay everything back but it ends up in the long run helping you get a clean start and a clean slate on your credit rating.

School is really important. There are people who are able to be quite successful without school but that is not the norm. Talk to your teachers and explain what you are going through and ask them how they can help you get through your year. I'm not sure what level of education you are pursuing but I'm sure there is some sort of guidance department who can give you some direction.

After the birth of my son we ran into financial difficulty because I was off work. So before getting pregnant with our daughter we actually saved some money so we had a bit of a buffer. Unfortunately my little girl died so I was not able to use it for her. We have left it untouched in case we are ready to ttc.

Please feel free to email or PM me. You have so much stress in your life right now and if you need a friend to lean on I'm here. Please don't lose hope. I know how bleak it seems but you will prevail.

Antionette

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry you are frrling down.
I agree, contact your bank and credit cards. Let them know you are not working, they will be willing to work with you then get nothing at all.

I'm currenlty looking for a new job too. It sucks and the daily rejection letter do nothing for my self esteem. But, keep at it! Something will turn up.

Joined: 11/19/05
Posts: 456

:bighug:

Jessa...How are you doing today?? Have you put any thought into the pp's suggestions??

You are not alone...You have lots of cyber support out there...Lean on us anytime..We will all do what we can to help you get through this dark time..

Marie

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry honey. I wish I had the right words for you. Big cyber hugs and an even bigger cyber chocolate bar coming your way.

shelly

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

You are not alone, you may feel alone but you have all of us. I am sorry about your money issues. Call your creditors and explain your situation. Can't the military help in anyway, considering they have your husband?
I agree with timmommy that school is very important, talk with your teachers and see if there is anyway to save this semester. If not maybe you can drop the courses that you are failing so they are not on your transcripts as failures.
Don't give up. We have all felt that way one time or another. I know about daily struggle, I have them with my anxiety and depression, but you can't give into the quitting, that makes it worse.
Lean on us when you are down. Don't stop fighting. I hope things get better for you soon.

(((HUGS))))
Robin

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

I don't know what to say. The girls have given some good advice.

:bighug:

Jessa_2213's picture
Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 129

... I feel even worse about failing school because it cost a lot of money to enroll in the classes in the first place, and this isn't the first time its happened. My first semester I was going full time, doing great and then we found out we were pregnant with Liam... and lost him two weeks later. I got depressed, dropped one class and ended up failing out of the other 3 when I couldn't drag myself out of bed to go anymore. I took the spring semester off to 'recover' and re-enrolled for this fall semester... only to have the exact same thing happen again. I had to drop my early childhood education class because I couldn't stand to talk about children all day... the only reason I didn't drop my psychology class was because I've already taken it SO many times and never gotten the credits... it a pre-rec to all most all the classes I need to take, so I tried to salvage it. Only the week we lost Alana...they started the section on pg and early childhood development. It was so hard to go to class and look at the pictures of the babies... to listen to everyone else talk about pg, miscarriage, abortions, birth defects.... pretty much all pregnancy and child related things I could think of. It took everything I had not to just break down and cry.

Robin: No, I don't qualify for any of him military benefits... because we aren't "legally married". We plan to be one day, but aren't yet... I was qualified for his benefits while I was pg, because it was his child...but as soon as we lost her, I lost all privileges.

Antionette: I'm not sure I qualify for bankrupcy. I don't know how to find that out. I don't have any credit cards that I owe money too, or even large purchases I owe to. I only have bills for things that they can shut off... they never seem to care that you don't have money. My biggest concern is that I can't pay our rent.

*sigh* thanks though guys. I feel a liittle better today. It just kinda all came down on me yesterday and was overwhelming. I have to go to work now (I finally found a job, but its only part time and seasonal. It pays well but there aren't enough hours to get ahead of these bills...)

Sad
Jessa

CamelNoodle's picture
Joined: 07/28/04
Posts: 908

:bigarmhug:

Is there someone you can stay with for a while, until you get back on your feet? Put all your stuff in storage, and live with them? It's not fun, or easy, but sometimes you have to make (additional) sacrifices that are not fair. What can you give up to save some money? Is there anyone that you can do some hourly work for? Cleaning houses, cooking meals, running errands?

I agree with talking to anyone that you owe money to, even the people you pay rent to. Often they would rather you be a little late for a few months then have to relist and find a new tenant.

Have you and DP thought about a justice of the peace wedding, just so you qualify for benefits?

Hang in there, it'll get better.

Janel

Joined: 02/05/06
Posts: 33

So sorry you are down. Hang in there. We all have been there in one way or another. Please know that you are not alone.
:pathead: