Hullo All.... I'm just having a retchid aweful horrible day. I've broken down to tears more times that I can count. I'm just so depressed... I feel alone and useless. I'm having a whole lot of money worries (IE: I don't have ANY!) and all my bills are overdue.
It just feels like everytime I pick my life up, dust it off, and start trying again. Something aweful horrible happens and it shatters to a million pieces and I'm left crying and unable to even think about putting them back together again.
I really don't know what to do any more... usually DH is here to cheer me up and make me feel better (somehow he always knows how), but right now I've got nothing.
I don't even know where to start to go about getting more money, I have no one I can ask to borrow it from even. I don't want to have to do something immoral to get it...but its starting to feel like there is no way to get money. Everyday it just feel like I get farther and farther behind... I feel like DH is going to come back and I'll be homeless because I can't even pay rent. I hate that when you can't pay something they start charging you late fees... if I can't pay the original amount how do you expect me to be able to pay rediculous late fees on top of it?
I hate that I lost my babies. And I hate that I lost my job. I hate that I'm alone. I hate that I don't have any money and there isn't anything I can do about it. I hate that I'm depressed and failing out of school. I hate that no matter how hard I try nothing every seems to work out. I hate being helpless.
...right now... I really hate me. I don't want to be me any more.
I'm all out of strength guys, I've been playing this game for too long. I can't always be at the bottom and still be okay. I'm done, I give up, I throw in the towel... Its too much, I CAN'T do it! I can't. I can't keep doing this and be okay... but I can't think of any way out either.
I think this is my breaking point. I really need help and I have nowhere to turn to get it. ...I honestly just don't know what to do anymore.
Always remembering my sweet angels
William Joseph @ 12 weeks 2 days
Alana Marie @ 9 weeks 2 days
Taking an Involuntary TTC Break
Counting the days until my Marine comes home