Well of course now that I am in my first cycle of ttc I am driving myself crazy. Last week when in a dollar store I picked up preg tests (yes I know they aren't that reliable and before now I would have laughed at hte thought). I figured it would curb my urge to test without blowing the expense of the other tests I purchased. If I ever miss a period I figured I'd use a more reliable test.
And all week I have been obsessing about every symptom I have thinking... well rather hoping.. I am pregnant again. Seeing if my belly feels the way it did last time....over analyzing my nausea and headaches... etc.
And today... do you know what I did? I actually did one of the preg tests.... that's fine you might say....but I am only a few days past dpo and my period isn't due til the 25th or so. We all know this is not an appropriate time to test. But yet I saw myself there this morning hoping and being a little disappointed when I got the result I knew I was getting... a bf negative. I know now I've gone crazy.
And then at the same time I feel guilty being on this board... I say to myself I should be on a ttc board. But my grief is still too fresh to go there and I find those boards just make me feel worse. Although ttc is on my mind... my lost angel is on my mind even more.
I tell myself relax... things will happen if they are meant to be. I say... I am not advanced age... I am healthy.. what the heck is the rush... but then all these other feelings take over and I just can't help myself. I do know that next month I will buy an OPK to alleviate tiring of bding when there is no ovulation.
Okay who is going crazy with me? Or am I from another planet on this one?