I just can't take the pain that I'm feeling. I'm fine most of the time, but then I get these moments of uncontrolable crying. I know that there is nothing I could have done differently. I know these things just happen. But eventhough I know this, why am I still thinking about what if.....???!!!!! What if I didn't complain about the nausea? What if I forced my prenatals down, even if they made me sick? What if I stayed off my feet more? What if I ate healthier? What if.......? Anyone else going/went through this? And now I have to wait till Monday to get me D&C. I just want it over with! The thought of my baby still inside me is killing me! I'm hoping nothing will happen from now till Mon. I don't think I can handle going through all the pain and bleeding. I have been bleeding and cramping since Tuesday night, but nothing worse then a light period. I just want it done and over with. Thanks for letting me vent!
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. And it's like you've written down the thoughts right out of my head. You're definitely not alone, and in fact we're going through this at about the same time. The night before my D&C I knew that my baby was still inside me DH and I just put our hands on my tummy and I just sobbed. The day of my D&C I couldn't cry, but yesterday and today I'm doing just as you're doing - crying at the drop of a hat and these "what ifs" are swirling around in my head. I'm so sorry - PM me if you need to - you're not alone.
Last edited by newlyhughes; 01-02-2009 at 03:59 PM.
I am so sorry for what both of you are going through. I also blamed myself but I had to remind myself that it wasn't my fault. It's not your fault either. Losing my baby was the biggest disappointment of my life and I still wonder why it happened. Unfortunately, we will never know why. Once my d & c was over I was able to get some closure. I still think about my baby everyday but I am able to move on with life. It may help to do something to memorialize your little one. I wrote a letter to my baby and put it in a special place. It helped to get all my feelings out and somehow I needed to let the baby know that he or she was wanted, loved, and missed. I also bought an ornament to remember my baby by. I hope that time will help you heal. If you need to talk we are here to listen! Hugs!
Last edited by tntd; 01-02-2009 at 08:41 PM.
Nothing you did or did not do caused this to happen. It just plain sucks. Allow yourself to grieve but do not hold on to the guilt. Sending hugs.
Hugs hon. Still carrying my baby inside me waiting for my d&c was torture, and unfortunately I think it is woman nature to wonder and question yourself, but it is not your fault. Hugs and prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I went through the blaming myself thing at first, too. For me, I had to walk through all of those questions and talk about them IRL before I could let them go.
It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
KUP on how tomorrow goes.
DH and I have worked through the questions in our heads too... I am a cleaning lady (work with lots of chemicals), I've been doing night classes, maybe overdoing it... DH has caused SO MUCH stress in our relationship, etc... we've been wondering what things we might have done that have caused it. We were not ready for this pregnancy by any means, but I was starting to really feel a bond with this baby. I was getting excited about the kicks and the nausea being over. The thing is... you never know, and what the OB says is most of the time they later find out that the baby had a birth defect that was incompatible with life, and it's rarely something you did. It is never easy to just let it be that, though. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers.
Hi everyone! First I just want to say thank you all for your support. I'm glad that I can come on here & "talk" with others who have gone or are going through the same thing as me. When talking with others who haven't experienced such a loss it's hard. All they say is it wasn't meant to be or you will have another baby, etc. But just because my baby wasn't actually born into the world, doesn't mean that it's not as hard of a loss. It's so aggrevating at times!!
Anyway. I wanted to give you all an update. I had my D&C a week ago today. Everything went ok. I'm still having some very light bleeding, but no more cramping. Now I'm just waiting for AF to arrive. Prob after one or two visits from AF we will start trying again. We aren't going to really try but we will just not prevent pregnancy. If it happens, it happens. Hopefully it does!!! Thanks again everyone!!!
Glad to hear things are getting better! Good luck in the future!
Tammy & Tom 6/19/2004
TTC beginning 3/2005
Angel Baby 11/13/2008
Ethan Bradley 10/7/2009