I can't take this pain

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Joined: 04/21/08
Posts: 5
I can't take this pain

I feel like I am losing my mind and on top of losing my son, I just found out my significant other has cheated on me...... this is some bullshit......what else can go wrong.....I know there is a lesson in all this but right now everything just seems crazy....... I can't sleep at nite, I may fall asleep for like an hour or so but then I wake up and toss and turn, I took this week off from work because I wasn't ready to go back. I planned on going back home to NY to visit my mom and my girlfriends but I don't feel like it so I cancelled the trip. When my s/o goes to work and i am home alone, thats when I cry and scream and just let everything out.....I feel like I am in the twilight zone....

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

That is just horrible. I'm sorry you have to deal with a cheater on top of everything.
Take things a moment at a time. You are a strong woman and a great mother. You can and will make it through these times. Take care of yourself and let yourself cry and scream as much as you need. Although I know you feel so alone in your pain, a lot of us ladies are right there with you and have these same feelings. I know that doesn't help very much especially when you are crying so hard that you don't think you will ever be able to stop, but know we are always here to talk with. {{Sigh}} Life is so hard.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm so sorry. I hope you can try to make YOU a priority right now. Scream, vent, cry...do what you need to do.

~hugging you tight~

Joined: 12/01/05
Posts: 1000

Unfortunately, a tragedy like this puts tremendous strain on a relationship. The positive side is that if the relationship survives, it will be that much stronger. Please do as the pp said and do what you need to do for your own healing. You can concentrate on the relationship later, but for now you need some space to grieve. Let you SO know that too. Let him know that you need space to grieve and that you will deal with him later. If he's a decent human being, he will let you grieve and will give you his wholehearted support.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Hugs Nikki. I am sorry that you have even more to deal with. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry that you have so much pain. It's really horrible to be cheated on, and it's normal to feel very upset and angry. I'm glad you're venting -- when we keep our anger inside, it stays there but we don't even know it. It shows up physically, I've heard, in any number of ways. So I'm really glad you've written in.

Like the pp's said, this is the time to focus on Nikki -- to heck with everyone and everything else. Sometimes we just need to be selfish.

I'll tell you quickly how I focused on Nicole, and how it helped me enormously:

After we lost Alex (our first angel baby), I was devastated. So I met regularly with a grief counsellor. She was so wonderful -- I felt like I "had permission" to cry, to be angry, and to 'speak my truth' no matter how silly I thought it might have sounded. My 'safe place' was in Carol's office -- where I could vent all I needed to.

After we lost Kim (our 4th loss in precisely 3 years), I nearly 'lost it'. I just couldn't cope. I felt like I needed to 'work' an even deeper level, so I went to a psychologist. Janice 'brought me even further' through the healing. I let it all out in her office as well.

Both times, I only saw these professionals for about 6 months. I haven't needed to go to their offices again (and it's now 2 years since I last saw Janice). They helped me so much, contributing greatly to the fact that I'm doing quite okay today. I am happy and at peace.

Nikki, I can only pass on what has worked for me, personally. It's really tough to 'go it alone' sometimes, and it can be SO helpful to reach out for a little outside help. I hope you might consider it.

You are in my thoughts and my heart. Please keep writing in.


"A problem shared is a problem halved"
-- proverb

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I have no words other than I am so very sorry.


Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am so sorry you are dealing with so much right now. I do have to agree with some of the other PP about seeking help. One can be prone to PPD after a m/c and adding the stress of you SO cheating may not help things. We all need a good nights sleep and when you do not it can effect us and send you into a deepe depression.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm in that same spot, all this sh*t getting piled on top of all the other crap, I really wonder how far someone can/should be pushed till you completely lose it. My SO up and left 2 months after the miscarriage, as if dealing with the m/c wasn't enough. His reason: "you're in a bad mood all the time lately..." NO KIDDING!!!!! Apparently this whole "losing the baby thing" (I'm being sarcastic here) didn't affect him quite as much. ***. Anyways, as crappy as it may seem, you'll get through it... eventually. No doubt you are better off without a cheater as a partner.

Getting professional help is also a great idea!