I don't even know what to title this one

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flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219
I don't even know what to title this one

I really wasn't sure what to call this one because all the things that came to mind were so unpleasant...something like 'WTF!!!!' or well, I'll stop there. Anyway

It's been 4 months since our loss and I open up my e-mail today to see a message from a friend back home in IL. The VERY FIRST LINE said 'Hello!!! So do have a baby yet or what!!!!! My sister is due in 3 weeks, she's sure she'll go this weekend though. Shouldn't you be getting close!?!' Ok, now I know she didn't mean anything and I haven't talked to her much, but I KNOW I sent her an e-mail along with the rest of my contacts when we lost the baby specifically so this wouldn't happen!!!!!!!! I'm not mad at her, b/f is right, she's a really really nice person and when she opens the e-mail I sent her explaining that we wouldn't be having our baby and what happened, she is going to be so upset, but I could only respond in the e-mail, I couldn't bring myself to call her. I did say not to be upset, it was a mistake is all and we are doing better, but she has 2 kids, she'll know what it was like for me to get that message, that's just how she is.

I think my problem here is that sometimes it just feels like I'm being punished or something (I know I'm not really being punished, but still), like I'm not supposed to do better or feel better because just when I'm getting back to 'life' and my new 'normal' something like this happens and sets me back. Now granted, it didn't hit me like I would have 2 months ago, or even a month ago, and I am very grateful for that much at least, but @#$%^&#@!!!!!!!!! It still sucks. I know that this is part of my new normal. Little things will happen to remind me for the rest of my life, but, well, GGGGRRRRRRRRrrrrr...just Ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Thanks for listening, I feel better now, much more calm Smile

:bighug: to all of us

Amy

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Warm fuzzies and hugs. Sometimes emails dont reach where they should go and end up in the junk mail box in spite of being on an address list, and she may have by accident deleted it, how many times have i done that one. But no matter that one hurts. I even hurt sometimes when i have to recite all TMI my older children bdates and i remember those little angels as well. It hits me in the heart and i tear up. Just come and vent. ANd e will hug you and understand.

loveya

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I am so very sorry that you had to deal with that. Big cyber hugs coming your way.

Shelly

troynicole's picture
Joined: 12/06/07
Posts: 151

:bigarmhug: That really would send me over the edge too although she probably didn't get the email. I don't blame you for emailing back but she may not get it, so be aware of that if she never got the first one. Maybe send her a card in the mail or something telling her you are happy for her sister, but right now you'd rather not talk about her.

Hope you have a good day!
Nicole

Anngie60's picture
Joined: 01/28/07
Posts: 630

Even though it does get easier with time, its still a kick in the teeth dealing with these situations. Sorry you had to go through that, its not nice (((HUGS)))

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:bighug:

I'm so sorry. That must have been a really hard email to receive. I promise you are not being punished. Sometimes sucky things happen in life and it is no ones fault. And it is okay to grieve as long as you need to.

:bighug:

Joined: 09/18/07
Posts: 371

Oh Amy
I am so sorry. That really sucks. Last night I was at a get together with alumni from a school I taught at and although current staff there knew, the news didn't get to some of the retired staff. So I had to explain to someone what happened as well. It wasn't to bad though because it was me telling what I had been up to, not her directly asking where the baby was.

So are you on the president's list or the dean's list? Hope your new semester is going well. I haven't been on the boards much so PM me if you need me.

Antionette
Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007

lexirunner's picture
Joined: 05/10/06
Posts: 460

I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, and I completely understand how you feel. Just two days ago I got a message from my Dr.'s office (the office that knew I m/c'd and had the D&C through), reminding me of my first prenatal appointment. It made me pretty upset that I had to call and cancel, and it really put me back "in the moment". I don't think you're being punished, it's just a very hard thing to experience!

Jessa_2213's picture
Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 129

*huggle cuddlies*
So sorry your friend sent you that email. I know that sucks so much... we told so many people that we were expecting this last time... I dread running into them now and having to explain our loss all over again.

Hoping something happy comes your way to make your day better.

squirlyj's picture
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 121

Oh, no! I'm sure she didn't know. She's going to feel awful, too.

HUGS!!!

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

That totally sucks. I know how it feels...I'm still getting calls/emails from people asking me if I have had my little girl yet. I hate having to explain, it sucks.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

PPs are right--she probably didn't receive the other email, but that doesn't make you not hurt when reading hers...

:bigarmhug:

hope your day got better

flutterby4's picture
Joined: 09/04/07
Posts: 219

Thanks for all you kind words and listening to my rant. BUT, sigh, I'm afraid I gave her too much credit. She has been getting my messages, all of them, except that one she says. Regardless, she sent back the most 'generic' message after I explained our loss. I even read it to another friend who agreed that it wasn't the kind of message you sent back to a 'friend' who had just had a loss. So of course, full on attitude, I sent her a copy of the letter I wrote. I don't even care if it makes her mad, maybe it will keep her from saying such cliche' insensitive things to someone else. I could write it off as she just didn't know what to say, but I know her too well and I don't believe that was the case.

Oh well, it's over now at least.

Antionette~I did make the President's List, thank you very much :D...I'm PMing you too

Thanks again
Amy

Joined: 11/30/07
Posts: 117

Ah, Im so sorry it did not turn out to be a genuine mistake! Perhaps we put far too much faith in people sometimes. How ignorant of her not to offer you lots of support and feel guilty for the previous e-mail she sent you. Shame on her! Some people are just not worth the bother, and she sounds like one of them. Im so sorry that she created a painful situation and then made it even worse. Good on you for putting her in her place with your e-mail, I hope she feels ashamed of herself. Hugs.

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

"flutterby4" wrote:

Antionette~I did make the President's List, thank you very much :D...I'm PMing you too

Thanks again
Amy

Amy, you rock!!!! WTG with the President's List. I am sorry about the "friend". I think you handled it with great applomb. Keep up the great work with school.

Shelly

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

I'm sorry Sad :bigarmhug:

Karen

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Im so sorry about this. I am just at a loss for words.

:bighug: