I don't know where I belong
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Thread: I don't know where I belong

  1. #1
    Mega Poster Michelleey's Avatar
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    Default I don't know where I belong

    So i'm having quite a hard time right now. For the past 17 months I have always had somewhere to belong, either on the TTC 0-12 months, then onto the clomid board, then onto a birth board (sept), but now, I am no longer pregnant, but have yet so miscarry, so i am not trying again, so i feel like i am in limbo have don't have anywhere to go. Even in real life, i'm a person who likes to have control of every situation, and obviously i have no control over what is happening to me, and although i have the most wonderful husband ever, and a very supportive family, i feel alone. I think that most people (who have never been through this) think that because it happened so early (between 6-8 wks) that its not that big a deal, and that we just have to pick up and move on. They don't realize that its just not that easy. I just thank god that there is this board that i can come to where other people know what i am going through. I just wish i could figure out how to deal with all of this in the real world.

  2. #2
    Contributor
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    I am a lurker but...

    I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. I understand not knowing where you belong. I am doing IUI but not because I have any trouble, DH does and we never really tried a bunch before we knew there was trouble so I don't feel like I belong on the IF board so I just float around and post where I feel that my question fits or where someone needs some extra hugs.

    Extra hugs to you!!
    Jess

  3. #3
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    Michelle
    I am so sorry to hear that you are losing your child. It is difficult being in limbo.


    baby/child/preg/ttc mentioned
    I feel that way too sometimes. I go on the parenting after loss board because I have a living child at home but there are lots of new parents there and sometimes it hurts to hear the new baby stories. I'm not ready to ttc yet but I go on that board because I want to hear about people who are ready. I come on this board but sometimes the raw grief of the new mommies is just to much to handle.

    As cliche as it sounds you really just need to take it one moment at a time. It does get easier. If you are lucky you will make connections on this and other boards with women who will support you when you are feeling alone (despite support form home IRL). It is a very lonely road that we are on. Some days are pure crap but on other days you are okay. Believe it or not there will be some days where you catch yourself feeling happy. I don't think however that there is ever a day when you don't think of your child. I have yet to come across a day where I don't wish I had Lily in my arms. I don't think that day will ever come but I do hope that I have more happy days where I think about her but don't feel the need to cry.

    This is a good place for you to belong right now. I hope you find some comfort with us.
    Antionette

  4. #4
    Posting Addict vbear's Avatar
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    I know how tough it is not to feel like you belong on the boards.I was on a TTC board for years then finally got my bfp on Jan 30th,2008.Then I started spotting last thurs and it went into cramping heavy bleeding for about 2 hours on Fri then back to spotting.I had my 1st appt wcheduled for that day anyway so went ahead and kept it.an u/s didn't find any sign of the baby so we knew either I m/c already or it was tubal.Did a beta blood test to check my levels then another on mon to confirm it was going don but it didn't it went up slightly making us think tubal preg.My Dr scheduled a D&C for yesterday at 11 then when it confirmed it was a tubal gave me meds to make my body reabsorb the preg in hopes of saving my tube.So I am in limbo,not TTC not really preg anymore,not sure what I feel right now.

  5. #5
    Mom22Boys+1Angel
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    I could have written that. Back a month or so ago, I was posting on the Cloth DIapering board, the Birthing Naturally Board, and a couple of others here and there. I lIVED on the BN board. I couldn't wait for that experience!! I cry just visiting there now, and it has been 6 weeks since my loss. I felt lost for a long time tryinig to find sme palce to fit in. Here is the only board I came to for about a month. But I found some of my other friends and PO and followed them around seeing where they post. There are many boards that have nothing to do with pregnancy, etc. I post a lot again on those boards, which I had deserted for my pregnancy journey.

    Hang in there, ok? I really does get easier, I promise. I hope, for your sake, that you miscarry soon, so that you can begin to heal. It is hard just waiting.

  6. #6
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    Hi Michelle,

    We were on the Sept 08 board together, and we received news on the same day that our babies had stopped growing. Like you, I am waiting to miscarry. The fact that my belly looks like it is ever so slightly thickening around the waist like I'm pregnant is really adding insult to injury. I am also a member of the Control Freak Anonymous society, so I do sort of understand a bit of how you might be feeling.

    Ultimately finding a balance between the emotional and rational side of me helped me get to a better place. I needed to cry it out, and after I did, I could (a bit) more sensibly assess my situation and try to move on. I still feel the lingering unhappiness, but I must confess that my general feeling these days far more closely resembles impatience for my body to just finish the job, so that I can get back to the plan. (Control freak, and all that, you know....)

    My chiropractor gave me a couple of suggestions that would help me relax and hopefully miscarry naturally. Her suggestions were an Epsom Salt Bath (1/4 to 1/2 cup of salts in the bath water) every other day, and rub Arnica gel/cream over the lower back and the lower front abdomen (around where the uterus is). Arnica is a homeopathic product which can likely be found in health stores. Don't know if it's working, but I'm starting to see sporadic blood-tinged mucous, so maybe it's about to start. I'm hoping to avoid a D&C, but am scheduled to see my doctor again in about a week. If I haven't miscarried by then, then I am going into surgery.

    The healing process is very different for each individual person, and even though our situations may seem similar on the surface, I'm sure they're also quite different in many ways. It's a hard time, but I want to encourage you to hang in there. We'll both eventually find another PO board to hang out at, and maybe we'll be able to keep each other company there too!

    *hugs to you*

  7. #7
    rh1430
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    I am so sorry you are going through this.
    You belong here with us if you want. The ladies here are amazing.

    I post on a lot of boards. I post here and the TTC after loss and the IVF board because that is how I got pregnant the first time.

    We are all in different stages of the grieving process but the first thing you need to know is to be patient with yourself. You are going to experience a ton of emotions. Vent here anytime you need to.

    Robin

  8. #8
    Supporter StephanieJune's Avatar
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    I kind of feel like I don't know where I belong also. I had a miscarriage on Friday, February 1, but it was an unplanned pregnancy. I am only 18 years old, and everyone that I have told about my pregnancy and miscarriage in real life has said that I should feel relieved that I had a miscarriage, because now I don't have to tell my dad, and I can continue going to college in the fall. I don't feel relieved; I feel depressed. I wasn't trying to conceive, but I made the decision to keep my baby, and after only a few days, I began to look forward to holding it in my arms. I love my baby, and I am a grieving mother.
    Last edited by StephanieJune; 02-13-2008 at 07:37 PM.

  9. #9
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    Your post brings back memories. I too worried what people would think or what kind of sympathy i'd receive since my M/C came at 6w 5d. I worried that people wouldn't believe how heartbroken I was or that they might think I should "get over it". But that was my thoughts, noone said those things to me ever. It took along time to get a sense of 'normalcy' to my life but it did happen. I took a week and half off work, I needed it due to the bad cramps and I was exhausted and well, mentally unstable crying all the time. I needed to hide in my bedroom that long. Give yourself whatever time you need. We are all here for you.

  10. #10
    Supporter StephanieJune's Avatar
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    Thank you. You are the only people who really understand what I am going through.

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