I was due today.

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cdokter's picture
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I was due today.

I should be a Mom today. Happy Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian). I'm so bitter today. I want people to aknowledge my loss today and I'm dissapointed that only one person remembered. My mother in law. There's nothing wrong with the life I'm living. I just got a great teaching job. We're finally getting out of debt. My husband got a raise. We've had some great roadtrips. If it wasn't for the fact that I should have a baby right now, I'd say we have had an amazing year. But, I'm not happy. I should have a baby. People around me keep getting pregnant (and they don't want to be or weren't trying). I notice so many people being crappy parents out in the world. I work with special needs kids and I wonder if my baby had loved, would it be like them. I feel guilty knowing that if I had carried to term, I would still be cleaning houses or be completly unemployed and in desperate trouble financially. I feel guilty about a lot of things. But mostly, I'm just sad today. Thanks for listening.

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Oh sweetheart! Big hugs. I am so sorry that only one person remembered your baby. Please know my heart aches for you.

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Last seen: 7 years 10 months ago
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:bighug: It sucks when no one remembers and it also sucks when your EDD falls on a holiday. My first angel's EDD was 26th Dec and only DH and I remembered. It's so hard to be in the midst of 'celebrations' at a time like this.

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Great big (Canadian) bear hugs to you (I live in Oz, but was actually born and bred in Canada...)

Yes, it's tough, really tough. And it makes it so much harder that many people don't understand how tough it is. I'm glad you've written in here, because we understand and we know how tough it is. We're here for you, sweetheart.

And you're right that it's very hard to endure this during the holidays. Brings me back to a royally crappy Christmas in 2002:

With a missed m/c finally confirmed on Dec. 24th, I decided to have a D & C asap -- personally, I just couldn't wait any longer (my baby simply wasn't coming). I had my D & C finally in the wee hours of the morning, Christmas Day, and was discharged at 7 am sharp.

Christmas was VERY hard that year, needless to say. My loving MIL took me aside quietly and thanked me for being "so very brave", because I didn't bring the topic up nor even shed a tear in front of anyone.

Christmas 2003 was a little easier. And they've been easier ever since -- even in 2005, when we lost Max on Aug 30th and Kim on Dec 11th. It does gradually get easier -- right now, it just doesn't feel that way, honey, that's all. We are all going to help you through this.

Love,
Nicole

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Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
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I am so sorry your due date has passed..."dates" are so hard.
But I agree with Nicole, they DO get easier. Please lean on us and others that can support you through this hard time. We DO understand....
Laurie

allyinthevalley's picture
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Oh no... I'm so sorry that you don't have your baby with you today. I dread February, when my baby was due... Valentine's Day, no less, so that I surely will feel as you are now. I have no words of advice, having not been there yet, but I do feel for you.
Big hugs.
Ally

SparkleMomma's picture
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:bighug:

I'm still here Hon, anytime you need me...

Diane

cdokter's picture
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Thanks guys. I did alright at dinner and even managed to look happy for the hubby (he's been having a hard time too - I'm so glad to have a hubby that gets it). But i think it's caught up with me. I'm sick today and I was sick yesterday and the night before. Nothing serious, just sick. Almost like anxiety (stomache upsets and achiness) so I called in sick today. I never call in sick. But you know what? I need a day. I didn't take it on the day I should have because I coudln't take a holiday off life on Thanksgiving, and I had parent teacher meetings all day yesterday, so I'm taking it now. Mind you, I'll probably spend the whole day planning lessons for next week and cleaning, but still. I can stay in bed all day if I want to and that feels kinda good. Funny how when you set aside the time to feel like crap, you actually start to feel a little better. Thanks so much for all of your support. I thought of all of you yesterday and I hope that having a day to greive has helped you all like I'm sure it will help me.

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im late in saying this but i'm sorry for your pain. I found the leading up to my edd was the worst. Waking up the next day I was still sad but felt like I would 'survive'. Hope you find some comfort.

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Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
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It is so hard when you hit that anniversary of your due date. My first baby was supposed to have been born Feb 14 2003. Every Valentine's day since then has sucked for me because even though I now have 2 beautiful boys, I still have a hole in my heart where my first child should have been. I will say that it does get easier, but it never completely goes away. (((HUGS)))

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Last seen: 1 year 8 months ago
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Honey, you are a mommy. Your babies just have wings.
Do not feel guilty about taking time for you. Self care is so important to do. Anxiety can cause your stomach issues, though there is also a lot going around.

Unless people have been through a loss I really do not thing they understand. They may have remembered this was your due date but did not want to upset you either.

Hang in there.

jadeeye's picture
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A due date, an anniversary, a quiet X-mas...all the milestones are so heart wrenching!!! Why? Why is it harder than any other days? Why do people act they don't remember? And why do they think we are all better now and it's better to "get over it"? I realized a while ago, people don't know how to handle the new you, and they reather act like nothing happened, they just want the old you back, little do they know, we are not the same anymore....hugs, I hope you find peace.
I have a few friends who are also loss moms, and they always remember, but nobody else in my family, they think if they don't remember I won't either. Hmmmm.:bigarmhug: