I hate my "glass half empty" attitude...(preg ment, child ment)

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I hate my "glass half empty" attitude...(preg ment, child ment)

I am feeling rather down because I can't seem to stop focusing on what I DON'T have. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for my DD, my health, my DH, and my family, but everywhere I look and at random times, all I can think about is that I am not pregnant anymore. I feel like "negative" should be my middle name. I know this is all coming from the fact that my DD turned 3 today and I feel really guilty because I feel sad and not happy. I feel like an awful person that I'm not filled with joy today. I know I'm grateful, so why can't all that I have be enough? I guess it's just very bittersweet. My baby is not a baby anymore and it's hard for me to accept that I'm not about to give birth to a second child or that I'm not even pregnant. I would have never guessed last summer when we started trying that on her birthday I would be right back at square one.
I wish I didn't have to feel anything right now. My heart literally feels broken and my chest hurts. Does any of this make sense? What do you do when all you can think about it is what you don't have? How do you deal with the guilt? How can I make my "glass half empty" turn into a "glass half full"? Any advice ladies? Please tell me I'm not the only one who's feeling this way.
TIA, Kendall

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I know there are times when I want so much to have that attitude but I just can't. I can't get there. Other times I'm there to begin with. Then there are the rare times when I can say a prayer and fake it until it happens. Big hugs to you on your daughters birthday! All milestones are so hard when our grief hits.

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It's ok. If you lost your thumb, would looking at all your other fingers make you miss your thumb less? No. :bighug: Sometimes life isn't fair, and we mourn our losses. It doesn't mean we aren't grateful for our blessings.

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Maybe you should start a journal by writing down five things a day that you are grateful for. For some reason, my mind stops running in circles once I put things on paper, so writing has always been helpful. It will also force you to spend a few minutes every day really focusing on the positive aspects of your life.

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Just give yourself time sweetheart. Your loss is very new. I still have four or five days a month like that and it has been nearly seven months since my loss. Time will help us to adjust to this new "normal". I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I wish that none of us had to know this grief. :bigarmhug:

Shelly

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I am so sorry that you are feeling this way but it is pretty normal. We are all thankful for what we already have but that doesn't mean we don't still mourn what we don't have.

Child mentioned....
I've been doing okay but then my DS (almost 4) picked a book out at bedtime with two children on it (a boy and a girl). He pointed to the picture and said "Look Mommy, this reminds me of me and Lily". I was struck dumb. It wasn't like we had just talked about her. I am so thankful for my DS and I do my best to make sure that Lily is not forgotten but I the times he brings her up on his own are mixed blessings. One I am so happy he acknowledges her but on the other hand it sucks that he doesn't have a live sister here on earth to be with.

That negative attitude does change somewhat. You may eventually have more days where you feel positive again. The fact still remains that you and I were supposed to have two live children to parent. It doesn't make sense that it didn't work that way.

Antionette

Lily Maria Kathleen :angel1: August 10, 2007

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Im sorry you feel so sad hun. If it helps though, I feel the exact same way. It has been 6weeks since my loss, and I still get some very bad days. Yesterday was not good at all. I felt awful. I have just finished my first af since d & c, and I just could not believe I was back to all of that and not being pg. You really are not alone (although I know from my experience IRL it feels like we are) If you ever want to chat please pm me (((hugs))))