Hi to all, I'm coming back to this forum after many months, and honestly I never thought I would need this board. I lost my baby two weeks ago at 20 weeks. I had a perfect pregnancy up to that point, a part from a chest infection for which I had to take antibiothics, and the baby just died inside my womb, for what reason we still don't know. He did not have any apaparent defects, and I just had a scan a few days before he died confirming that everything was ok. I realised that something was wrong cause he had not been moving for a few days.
I am still in shock, cause this wans't a possibility in my mind and cause I was over the "possibly dangerous" first 12 weeks, when most mc often occur. Also I was starting to really bond with my new baby. In addition to this, I really wanted this pg. I have a 19 months old, he had a problem to his kidney (now solved) that affected the whole pg and resulted in an hirrible birth, I also did not do my homeworks with my first son, he came unexpected, I was not prepared and lots of things went wrong. This time I was really cherishing this pregnancy. I really wanted another baby. I waited as long as possible before TTC cause I wanted to be in the best possible form for my new baby. I was rganinzing the perfect (or just a better) birth for him and for myself. I was getting informed, doing prenatal courses, eating well, keeping fit etc. All things that might seem normal for a pg woman, but that I did not do the first time around. So this loss came completely unexpected. And in addition to the grief of losing my baby, is the deep sense of injustice and failure. I realised having a look at this board and speaking to other women, how common a loos of pregnacy is. But why is that so cruel? Why so unexpected. Neither in my family nor in my partner's there is a history of mc. So why to me? I still cannot function properly since it happened, it still in my mind every moment and every day. I am so pessimistic about the future too. It seems that does not matter how much I try, or I want I cannot conceive normal babies. Some women seem to have it so easy. All the children they want, all the births of their dreams. Why not me? I'm sorry for being so long, I just feel like a complete failure and cannot get over it. I cannot look at the future with serenity.
I am so very sorry for your loss. It seems so unfair that some poeple have no issues and then others struggle to get preagnant and carry a baby. Bad things happen to good people, so the saying goes.
I wish I had some answers that ease you pain. I can give you hugs.
Hugs sweetheart. I am so sorry that you lost your little boy. My heart just hurts for you. I have only lost my pregnancies earlier on (though I have two children I carried to term). I know that each week your pregnancy progressses you bond more and more, and I am just so so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to vent here, since most of us unfortunately understand the feelings of loss, hurt, and so many other feelings. Also, whether you are trying to conceive again or not, there is a trying to conceive after a loss board that sees a lot more traffic, so please feel free to stop by over there as well.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. I hope it helps to know that all those thoughts and feelings you are having are 100% normal. On this board we all (unfortunately) truly understand, so feel free to write in anytime you might need to. We care, and we're going to help you through this.
Often the doctors don't know what happened or why. I never had a definite answer either, and it's just crap. And I did "all the right things" you talked about too. Like you, DH and I already had a child and we just wanted to provide her with a sibling closer to her age (we have a first-born who is considerably older). I must say it irritated me when people would ask me, after loss, if I had 'done' anything that could have harmed my baby (e.g. over exertion at the gym) -- when I never, ever had. I was so ultra careful, and it sounds like you were too. Somehow, for me, that seems to make the loss hurt even more.
Now just because you've lost a baby doesn't mean you are at any greater risk of losing another: a woman who has had one m/c or even 2 m/c's is at no greater risk of having another m/c when compared to another woman who has never had one before. There are many, many women who have an m/c and then go on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby the next time. My hope for you is that you are one of these many women, and that your next pregnancy is a blissfully uneventful one.