I Just Dont Feel Comfortable Going(baby Ment And Loss Ment)

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abbyrocks2427's picture
Joined: 10/26/06
Posts: 54
I Just Dont Feel Comfortable Going(baby Ment And Loss Ment)

Hi ladies how are you all feeling..im okay i guess. I was talking To my DH aunt today and I told her i didnt feel comfortable going to BIL babyshower on october 13 which coincidently is my 6 yr anniversary...so I told her I didnt feel like going since there is gonna be all this baby talk and stuff she told Me I absolutley did not have to feel bad about not going and that I dont need to go and that BIL and his girlfriend should not be upset about me not going to the babyshower since its just to recent about our loss.at firstI thought I could handle it going to the baby shower, but I can't......I told DH to go and that it was perfectly fine with me but he is not quite in the spirit either....i dont really feel bad about it. Is that wrong of me?

woooaaahhhh's picture
Joined: 04/18/07
Posts: 61

Dont feel bad. I have a friend who is having a baby shower soon, and I told her straight up that I wont be going. She understands....I'm sure your BIL does too.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

That is so NOT wrong of you! Of course you're not up for going to a babyshower, I sure wouldn't be either. I'm sure your BIL will understand. I wouldn't make your DH go either. Please don't spend a single second feeling bad about this, it's perfectly natural to feel that way. Enjoy your anniversary and try to focus on that instead. Go have a nice dinner or do something else you enjoy.


Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

It is not wrong in the slightest little bit!!! There is no way you should feel guilty for not going at all. We have to do what we can to minimise how crap we feel and thius is one of those things hun.

My friend has her babyshower on 28 October. It was supposed to be a joint one for the both of us and will definately not be going to that. I couldnt bear it. Plus my friend would probably feel a little uncomfortable knowing how she was supposed to be sharing it with me and i'm there not pregnant.

Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 2023

Don't feel bad at all. I know I could not handle a baby shower right now, not at all. Try to have a good time with you and dh for your anniversary. Hugs!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I didn't attend showers for a good 2 years after my most recent loss. Actually I didn't even visit my friends with kids, or certain sections of stores.. it's a hard time right after and you shouldn't feel bad for how you feel

Buffalo Gal's picture
Joined: 08/01/05
Posts: 47

Do not feel bad AT ALL!!! Last summer after my m/c I totally stopped going to family parties b/c of all the kids. Everyone totally understood. Take care of you and do what you feel comfortable and happy doing.

careyayn22's picture
Joined: 09/01/06
Posts: 54

I am glad you do not feel guilty. Everyone will understand.

A good friend had a shower about three weeks after I lost my son; I stayed home and I sent a gift with another friend. It wasn't super easy to buy a gift, but she was having a girl and I had a boy, so it wasn't too bad for me (and it was Christmastime and i was buying gifts for kids anyway.)

OneLuckyLady's picture
Joined: 04/12/07
Posts: 129

I agree with the pp. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have to do what you need to do to heal emotionally. And attending a baby shower I don't think would be a step in that direction. I hope your BIL understands. Enjoy the day with your DH Biggrin

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

That is in NO WAY AT ALL WRONG. Your aunt is right. You should not feel bad in any way. Your family should understand that you just went through a devastating loss as a couple. It is understandably difficult to be around joy in any form right now. To add the reason for the joy just makes it harder. I don't know if I will be able to attend the baby shower of a good friend of mine and it isn't until Feb. I will have been without my angel in my arms for five months by then. The thought of even being invited terrifies me right now. I guess that I will handle it as it comes. I am sorry, I am rambling again.

My whole point of this is that no matter what your feeling may be, they are completely valid and correct. Everyone grieves and heals differently. You and your husband have to do what is right for you and everyone else will just have to understand.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.


mommyx6's picture
Joined: 08/24/07
Posts: 94

All I can say is:openarms:.

abbyrocks2427's picture
Joined: 10/26/06
Posts: 54

Well me and DH discussed it yesterday we are sending the gift through the mail this weekend so that his aunt can recieve it since the shower is gonnna be at her house she can put it away and give it to them that day...also my doctor called me and since im gonna ttc again he wants to see me october 12th so even if i wanted to go i wasent gonna be able to..besides we want to go to a nice romantic dinner and a movie for our 6 yrs anniversary which falls the 13 the next day..so we are fine with not going....thans soo much ladies your all right im not going and im not gonna feel bad about it...thanks

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

I hope that your doctor's appt goes well and that you get the answers that you want/need. I think that you have come up with a wonderful solution for the shower. I hope that you have an amazing anniversary celebration. You guys deserve it.


tiffshannon07's picture
Joined: 04/13/07
Posts: 15

I was in the same situation as you a couple of months ago. My sister in law was having a baby shower and i did not want to go. I felt wrong if i didnt go. But i ultimately did not go. And i know it was the best thing for me. My sister in law didnt understand why not, but she also doesnt understand what it is like to have lost three babies, and not be in the mood to celebrate what you cannot have if that makes sense. You need time for yourself to heal. If you ever need to talk just let me know.

ducknjay's picture
Joined: 10/11/05
Posts: 71

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and I'm glad your family is understanding your reluctance to go.

I avoided babies and pregnant women for AGES after my first m/c. It was just too painful of a reminder.

You have every right to heal however you need to and for however LONG you need to.

Heal yourself first, the rest of it will come in time. I promise that life will get easier in time, but for now you have to grieve.

Take care of yourself sweetie!!!