Hi Ladies, I need to tell my story just to feel better. Quite a roller coaster ride as you will see.
I joined this board back in March when I found out I lost my first baby at 13 weeks. I am 26 years old. I had a D&C right after and found out I was pregnant again quickly at the end of May! June 19th after fooling around with hubby a bit I had some spotting. At that time my doctor drew my hcg level just to reasure me. But the hcg was very low (1871 instead of 15,000) and I was told this day I would be given an u/s the next but to go home and grive as there was nothing to hope for. I was 7 weeks 5 days. I cried hard that night.
June 21st I went for the u/s appt and had more blood drawn and on the u/s we could see nothing in the sac. I begged the tech to tell me for sure and she did. This was a possible blighted ovum measuring just 5 weeks 5 days. I went home and cried some more while waiting for the results of the second HCG knowing they must be falling. I had called our parents to tell them to stop praying as it was over.
June 22nd my doctor called. Seems my HCG more than doubled to over 4000 !!! All the sudden there was hope my baby just might be okay and the dates for whatever reason might be off. I re-called our parents and told them to pray again. I was told to redraw HCG on the 25th as it was a weekend. The very next day on the 23rd (sat) the bleeding came with many clots. I knew it was over but wouldn't take any meds for pain as things were so up and down with good and bad news I didn't want to hurt any chance this baby had. Again I called our parents to tell them the bad news. Monday rolled around and after bleeding all weekend I got my blood drawn just for the heck of it but my doctor must have got too busy to call me and I was left waiting until Today (tuesday) to be told my HCG is now just 200 It appears the m/c is almost complete.
I feel sad but guilty. Guilty that I do not feel as devestated this time around. I think that it is because I didn't get to see the baby this time on that screen and the loss was earlier on...yet I know it doesn't change things..it is still another very real loss. I have managed to get a referal to see and OBGYN for some testing (if he will agree) and I am hoping to persue it a little without getting too overwhelmed as I've been told with both pregnancies there is no real reason to suspect there is something wrong with us. To tell the truth... they could probably tell me I had a 1 in 1000 chance of having a baby and I would still try for the 1%.
I tell myself God did this again for a reason and I must learn something or take something from it somehow. But the wounds are fresh and in time I will find the strength to do this as I did last time. I almost wish I had taken this burden alone and not told anyone I was pregnant..even hubby. This good/bad roller coaster shouldn't have been inflicted on anyone...and hubby held so much hope to what the doc was saying even though I knew with all the facts together that my doc was probaby running on little false hope... but I prayed so hard.
That's my story. It feels a little better to tell someone. Thank you for letting me get it off my chest in a place where I can say how I really feel.