I Ordered a Loss Necklace

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cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126
I Ordered a Loss Necklace

Hey girls. I ordered my self a loss necklace. Since I lost the baby about six weeks ago, I've been, obviously, very unhappy. I think I figured out, at least patially why. I've been trying to act like it never happened: like I was never pregnant and never lost a child. I've been hoping that the whole thing will just "go away". When you guys suggested honoring the memory of my lost baby, I thought you were crazy. I'm sorry, but I did Smile I couldn't understand why you would want a symbol of your saddest moment displayed everyday to remind you every day of your loss. I thought that the last thing I needed was tangable evidence that I have a reason to be this sad. But, it's been over a month now and the crying everyday has dwindled to a few times a week. I'm no longer thinking only about the baby. Life has started to go one. And you know what? I'm a little annoyed with that :confused: No one but me seems to even remember that less then two months ago, I was preparing for motherhood. My life was layed out for me and I was so excited. Now, everything EVERYTHING is different. It's okay that everyone else had moved on. Really, it is. I get that. That's exactly what I wanted to do. But, every now and then, I want to have my loss and the child I never got to meet, acknowldged. I don't want a big to do. I coudn't handle that anyway. Anything too much just makes me wallow again. But, I do want something that I can pull out and see and touch that will halp me to cope. A necklace is perfect. I can wear it on days I want to remember and I can hide it away on days that the pain is too much or when remembering makes me uncomfortable (these emotions eh girls;)) I just thought I'd post about my little experience in case anyone elase was feeling the same way. I haven't read anything like it yet, so i thought I'd throw it out there for support for anyone who feels the same way. That's what I love and need so much about this board. The way I can always fine someone who knows EXACTLY how I feel. Thanks girls.

HopefullySoon's picture
Joined: 01/31/08
Posts: 163

I am sorry for your loss. I have a necklace that I got after my brother died and I wear it every day. It is something special to remember him by. Most days I don't remember I have it on, but at odd times I will notice it. I am getting one with my daughter's footprint and my husband is getting one with her hand print.
I am glad you decided to do that. You will be happy you did.

MrsSchepp's picture
Joined: 12/30/06
Posts: 496

the necklace is a nice idea!

i also think it is very hard that life is going on. people have moved on...no one even talks much or probably even thinks about my lost baby Sad it's been quite a while since anyone has even asked how i am....such is life i guess...

Joined: 11/13/06
Posts: 161

I bought myself a necklace for Joseph's due date and it has brought me so much comfort. I just call it my mother's day necklace if anyone asks but it's so simple that I doubt anyone would--it is just a heart with a blue flower. I, too, struggled with the idea of jewelry but, when I saw this one, and the 66% off price, I just knew I wanted it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm happy for you that you made this decision. I find my loss ring to be of great comfort, and I expect you will get the same from your necklace.

I can totally relate to what you said about: Angel personally wanting to 'forget' what happened (denial), and (b) not being pleased that others seem to have forgotten/ moved on. I reckon both of these thought patterns are normal.

I went into full-flung denial when we lost Alex (our first angel baby) -- completely threw myself into my work, right away. I didn't know how to cope -- society never taught me how, because this subject is so maddeningly taboo. I worked crazily to try (unconsciously, really) to not think, not feel, forget, move on.

The problem is that when we don't actually deal with something, life keeps throwing it back in our face -- well, this has been my repeated experience anyway. It's as though Fate (or God, if you prefer) keeps putting it in our way, forcing us to deal with it in order to then effectively move on. So I'm really glad you're here, and that you're doing things for your recovery (like buying the necklace and writing in). I can't emphasize enough how grateful I am to this board, for helping me shift through my grief, these past two years.

As for other people seeming to 'move on' ... well... personally I think that so many people (most?) are simply uncomfortable with our loss, and this kind of grief. Deep down inside, I'm sure that the sensitive and caring ones hold us in their hearts, and I'd like to believe that they don't mention anything and 'act normally' because they think that (if they did otherwise) it would hurt us more -- open up an old wound, so to speak.

They haven't been there -- they don't understand what it feels like to have this happen within their own body. I'm sure that it's a struggle for them, and they're simply 'at a loss' -- they don't know how to react, because society hasn't taught them how, either. They're probably doing the best that they can. So I hope that you will try to not fault them for this. I choose to think of these people that way, and then I feel better about it all, you see? [One of my favourite expressions is "Happiness is an Inside Job" -- I like being genuinely happy, and it helps me to be happy when I choose to look favourably upon others -- especially people who annoy me! -- YES, this takes practice!].

Luckily, we all have each other here and we all understand. I'm glad you're here.

Great big hugs,