And I Requested a copy of the report Why?

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
TyrantOfTheWeek's picture
Joined: 12/26/05
Posts: 1147
And I Requested a copy of the report Why?

And so it came in the mail yesterday. All 4 pages of it. Methadone was the ONLY thing in his system and basically nothing else was wrong with him. I had it delivered to my work so I wouldn't be alone when it came and so if I had questions, I could ask one of the doctors. I got to the part that says "scars and identifying marks" And they describe his tattoos in detail and I f-ing LOST it right then and there. He had all 3 kids names and b-days on his arm and that just triggered me in ways that I never thought possible. I basically had to be carried into an empty exam room and the office manager sat with me for a good hour and let me sob it out. She made me put the report away. I felt so empty...
And I have a lot of long words to Google...

deborah74's picture
Joined: 12/14/05
Posts: 698

I cannot imagine what you are going thru.... i'm glad you had someone there with you.

cdokter's picture
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 126

I'm so sorry.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I am SO sorry for your loss, and for these ongoing triggers. I'm glad you kept yourself 'safe' (having the papers delivered to your workplace), and that you've chosen to write about it here.

Yeah, the terminology ("identifying marks", etc) is always so cold and detached -- especially when it relates directly to tattooed names of loved ones.

This is so horrible. I do hope you find comfort here, knowing that we truly care about you.

Great big bear hugs,

Joined: 02/05/06
Posts: 33

Sorry sweetie. I think you are so strong. You are an amazing mom. I can't imagine how difficult this all has been for you. We are here for you if you need us. So very sorry you are having to go through this nightmare.
Erin~mommy to angel babies, Quinn and Elloit

Joined: 05/02/07
Posts: 46

Im so sorry!

Joined: 04/21/06
Posts: 96

Oh sweetie. I am so so sorry! (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

tina_haley_n_beanz_mommy's picture
Joined: 11/14/06
Posts: 212

I cannot imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry!

Joined: 05/04/06
Posts: 250

Put it away Mindie. I'm glad you have it but if you're anything like me you will drive yourself nuts with it. Dont google anything now. I did that and I dont recommend it.



Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 673


I would also put it away for now. Take it out to read when you think you can handle it better.

There actually could be more info in it then you think. I got Zachary's medical records and just flipped threw them the first time (it was 10yrs after the fact) and didn't see anything that concerned me. Once i got to a point where i could look through them and really take everything in, thats when i found the info that helped me figure out his death.

Sapphire Sunsets's picture
Joined: 05/19/02
Posts: 673

ITA on not googling.

Looking up medical stuff on the computer usually just causes more stress and upset.

careyayn22's picture
Joined: 09/01/06
Posts: 54

I just wanted to say I am so very sorry.

Joined: 06/10/07
Posts: 1692

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: