So I decided to return to work verrry early.
Beckett William has a routine. Patrick has competetive chess, Hannah plays on a travelling ball team.
I had four walls to stare at and how much more HGTV can one person watch before mentally redecorating the entire place. It was exhausting to watch...and I just stayed in bed.
I came home from the hospital and cried for what seemed like 4 days straight....and then I got out of bed and realized I cannot do "this" again.
My heart is still broken and my emotions are still pretty raw.
My job is a crazy busy one that sometimes causes me to forget to eat etc, so I thought it might help. I work in a office, and its my office so no one is going to invade my space or make me feel bad etc in my own little spot. I thought it might be a safe bet..so after a wrestless night, I ventured back to work.
I almost survived the entire 1st day-several condolences; but I almost adamantly said " I am doing well, every day is better..." and moved on.
Then came the out of the blue, full body hug (ewww and awwwwkward!!) from my bosses, bosses boss...really an odd situation. But I hugged him back-what can you do? I know they all care. Then there was the secretary-sweet lady; and she does not know Emily Post, so I did not expect anything special, just some politeness that I would extend given the circumstances. She said "so I heard you were in the hospital" I replied. "I was" and my chest tightened... "Are you okay" She asked. "Yes-I am fine, thanks for asking." At this point I am looking for a place to exit stage right....no where to run. "And how is the baby?" UGH! Blow to the chest-then I couldn't breathe and just wanted to run screaming from the room. I am CLEARLY not pregnant anymore. I said "She is gone-we lost her." and with that I walked away
Now---wouldn't a normal person politely let it go? Or offer a short "Im sorry" and move on? Yes----I think.
Not her, she followed me!!! Down the hall into our conference room "What happened to her?" " Are you okay?" " Did you bury her??"
I stopped and turned around and said "Please, XXXXXX, I dont want to talk about this, okay?" and she smiled and left...
I thought I would hyperventilate right there. I just took some deep breaths, and tried to regain my composure.
Since returning to work, I have run into three of her. All sweet people. All made me want to run screaming from the building....
I was right-I am now so busy I cannot even see straight. So it worked I think?
Thanks for listening
Hannah Rae 08/94
Liam Patrick 04/95
Ava Rene 12/04 Born into Heaven 30 wks
Beckett William 05/07-Hope Restored
Hayden Tevis 03/09 Baby girl, Loved 19 wks
Oh Ali hugs! I cannot believe Miss Not Emily Post could be so clueless, and I am sorry that you have run into her clones as well. Hugs and prayers!
I didn't tell anyone I was Pg this time. So I have no reason to tell them I lost another baby. But they are all "you're so quiet" and "you look really tired" and "why don't you want to get together to ____________" and so on and so forth. I'm usually very social and I'm just not feeling it and I know I should tell people why but I don't want to. I don't want the pity and the questions and the re-living it over and over again. I"m so sorry your dealing with people who don't know how to be supportive. It sounds like you did very well for a first day back though.
I am sorry for your loss and congratulations on making it through your first day.
Kudos for going back to work, it is always hard.
People do not know how to act around death. I'm sure she meant well, just not well thought out.
You made it past the first day, the rest will get easier. Hang in there.