I think it's time to tell you the whole story. maybe it will explain the my feelings a little better because frankly I ma truly at my wits end and i am not sure what to do. You have all given me some GREAT advice but this is what i am up against. The reason why i do not have the support system at home with my husband is because he believed that my boss, Jim was the father of the baby. It all started when I lost the baby. I called my work to let them know what happened. I went in the next day to get flowers to arrange and some people knew what happened. A week later, I went in with my mom to get some groceries. She thought that it would be beneficial to me to get out of the house and see some of my friends. While we were cashing out, A girl asked me how my baby was doing. I instantly started to cry like a baby and i told her that the baby was dead. Of course she fgelt horrible and very uncomfortable. my mom explained to her what happened. I was so angry that Jim did not let everyone know at work that i suffered a loss. To make matters worse, I did not even get a card or a phone call. I was extremely hurt. A week later, i went in to get my disability check and i saw that i had a raise. I thought that this was strange because i was not even due for one until June 6th and this was April. As angry and hurt as i was, I went to Jim and asked him about the raise. i told him that i thought that there was a mistake in my check. He winked at me and said that that it was for cost of living. I said really? and he said yes and winked again. I thought that this was his way of helping me out because I was only getting $23.00 in my check. I thanked him and he said that i was welcome. So, I immediately became less angry. I had my 3rd surgery on April 30th, the day after the baby's funeral. I was having a hard time healing and i was now on medication for the PPP. amongst other meds so having any alcohol was not in my best interest. I went to a graduation party with my husband and at the same bar, my work was having a party for someone leaving. (Nice of them to let me know). But i was there to have fun at the graduation party. I was in pain because I was still full of staples and not healing the fastest but I decided to have a beer anyway. I thought that it would help me relax. While sitting at the bar, the co- manager, Jeff came up to order a beer and I started talking to him. He asked me how i was doing and i explained the whole surgery bit and I was anxious to get back to work. I thanked him for the raise and that it was a huge help and i thought that he and Jim were awesome for helping me. Well he told me that everyone got a raise. I was really suprised and again felling hurt. I started crying and he asked me what was wrong. i told him the whole story with jim and how he left me to believe that this was something that they did for me to help me out.He was very apologetic to me and eventually walked away. I think my crying was getting to him. he does not like to see a girl cry. So, beer in my hand, I went out to have a cigarette. (I started back up after I lost the baby. I quit when i found out that i was pregnant). I was outside alone and I started to calm down when Jim walked out to have a cigar. I walked up to him and again "thanked" him for my raise. He responded by saying that it was the least that he could do. I replied "like the least you could do for everbody"? he looked at me really wierd and said yes. I asked him how much the rasies were for , he said 10 cents to 25 cents and I said or 50 cents like me? He asked me what was i getting at. I blew up crying and yelling at him. I told him that he had no right making me believe that he did something for me because he felt bads for me and he kept saying "babe listen to me" I told him no that i was not going to listen so while i kept ranting and crying, some other assoicates walked outside to see what was going on. finally he said that this was not the time or place for this and he walked away. I walked back in to the bar and my husband asked me wha was wrong. i told him that i wanted to leave. At he same time, Jim was leaving. I guess i ruined the part for him also. The next day, mother's day. i went in to the store and i had some people come up to me and say that they heard about what happened at the bar the night before. I asked them what they were talking about. The ysaid abou you telling Jim that you were in love with him and I got angry and turned me down so i went off on him. I said that this was not the case and it was personal. I told my husband and he said that to just ignore it. Well, I was no longer on speaking terms with my boss. I was so hurt and angry. he asked my husband if i was still being a b*tch or if I was better. My husband said that he did not know and he would have to aske me himself. well he chose not to by the look on my face. While in therepy, my counselor told me to writew him a letter about how i felt and why i felt that way. So i did and I went t osee him and we both sat down and he read it. he apologized to me and said tha he did not tell anyone about the baby because he thought that it was a personal medical issue and it was up to me to tell everybody. I told him that i understood and we left it at that. he called me a jackass(his nickname for some of us) and went to work. Well I still had a feeling of discontentment so when i got home, i called him. And we talked for a while, he asked me why I was so angry at him and not the co manager. I told him that i cared for him as well as some of the others that i work closely with and that i did care for Jeff but not as much as him because i do not work as closely with him. He said that he cared for me also and that he hoped that we would be alright.I told him that i felt better about everything and we started to talk about me coming back to work when the time was right. A few days later, my husband and myself went in to the store and while i started to get groceries, Jim pulled my husband aside and told him that i was telling everyone that i was in love with him and i knew where he lived. He said that he was concerned for me and my husband needed to speak with me. I knew nothing abou this conversation that the ywere having so i was totally floored when my husband asked me if there was something that i wanted to say to him. Of course i denied the whole thing because it was not true. I got home and I called Jim and we had a huge yelling match. I told him that it was disgusting to suggest such a thing and he said "yeah you are right it is disgusting". The next day i turned him to HR for what he was telling my husband and honestly making for a hostile work enviroment. I was suppoed to go back to work in a couple of weeks and I was not sure how I was going to with this embarrasment. EVERYONE was talking about it. HR called Jim and they came up with a decision that if I came back to work , iwas to go in and do my job. No gossiping. I was angry because i was not talking to anyone. How could i? I was out of work and only going in there with my husband. So again iwrote a letter to him because i was humiliated and i wanted to clear the air because honestly I was not sure how to go in there and face everyone. My boss would walk passed me as if i was not even there. like he did not even know me. A week before i was supposed to go back to work, my incision opened back up. They could not stitch me up because of risk of infection so they packed it and i was layed up for another 6-8 weeks!. That gave me and him time to calm down. I went in to give him my doctor's note and I asked him if we could sit down and talk before i come back to work. he said that that would be fine and he told me to come in on Monday. So Monday morning, I went in there and talked to him with the co manager present. He did not want to be left alone with me and honestly, i did not want to be left alone either. I started to tell him that i did not say such a thing and he stood up, got in my face literally and said "you are starting to fu**en pi*s me off! The co manager sttod up, got between us and told him to sit down and for us to act like adults. By the time the meeting was done, i told them that when and IF i decioded to come back, i would let them know. And i walked out. Well, i did go back and ever since, we have had our ups and downs. as i said, my husband thinks that Jim was the father of the baby and throws it in my face all of the time and it is all because of what happened at the bar that night. My boss, is really supportive of me most of the time. He is really concerned about my health and is doing everything he can to make me feel better but last night he threatened to fire me if i said "whatever" to him 1 more time. He said that i was being disrespectful to him. So, as you can see. I am at my wits end with home life and work life. I am not sure what to do. I am not going ot get any support from my husband with the anniversary of OUR baby's death. And my boss is being a total jerk to me once again. (it is at least twice a week) So, how am i supposed to get through this with noone?