I thought I was doing better... (M/C mentioned)

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Joined: 06/14/04
Posts: 12
I thought I was doing better... (M/C mentioned)

Well, it's only been a week, so I guess I'm just expecting too much of myself, but I really thought I was doing better. But today has just been awful, and now I pretty much feel like I'm falling apart. Monday, I put on my best brave face and went back to school (I'm in school to become a RN). Today we had a test, which I'm sure I failed. Then I had to go return a bunch of maternity clothes I had bought, but had not worn yet. I really needed to buy some regular pants to wear, since nothing I have fits, and I can't bear to keep wearing the maternity stuff that I already had. After trying on like 20 pairs of pants, I couldn't find anything that fit or was comfortable over my still slightly bloated stomach. The whole trip to the mall made me feel sad and more depressed. And if that wasn't enough, next week is my birthday. My dear, sweet, wonderful husband had planned a family get together to celebrate. But now, due to no fault of his (my family are just all not cooperating), the party plans fell apart. It's just been too many bad things happening all in one day. Normally, none of these things would be that dramatic. But today, it all really sucks. I just want to go get in the bed, pull the sheets up over my head, and hide from the world.

Sorry for rambling, thanks for letting me vent...

Amy

Uropachild's picture
Joined: 08/09/05
Posts: 1176

Give yourself time and dont be so hard on yourself. Like you said, it's only been a week, so the hurt is still fresh.

For me, the hurt doesnt go away. It just recedes for longer lengths of time. I'll bet that now you've had a bad day you will have a couple that are better. Just let it all out when it comes and keep communicating with your husband.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and i know how hard it is to return stuff that you bought for your pregnancy or baby. I never did it because i couldnt so i have tons of baby stuff everywhere.

If you want to go to bed and cry for a while you do it. Let it out so that you can pick yourself back up again afterwards and carry on.

:bighug:

shellyhudson's picture
Joined: 01/13/07
Posts: 814

The pain and sadness will come and it will go. Give yourself permission to grieve. Your loss is so new. I was numb for nearly the first month. I am so sorry that everything seemed to pile on top of one another today. I am so very very sorry for your loss.

shelly

Joined: 06/14/04
Posts: 12

Thanks, ladies.
Today I'm feeling better. Last night I had a good long cry and a nice talk with my DH and took a hot bubble bath. I was feeling like I had lost control over my entire life yesterday, which really bugs me, because I am a control freak! I think I've got things in a better perspective now.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

be patient with yourself. Take the time you need to feel and heal. It is alright to get upset from time to time.

Robin

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I think m/c at about the same time, so I know how you feel. I had a good day on Wednesday but yesterday was just a horrible day and I just wanted to crawl away from everyone. I know it must have been tough returning the clothes and then having your birthday plans fall apart. Sorry you are going through this. I know what you mean about putting on a brave face. Only a few people (3) at school (I am a teacher) knew about my m/c and someone that I didn't tell says to me at lunch, oh I am sorry about your m/c...well, thanks, but you did you really have to 1. say it in front of everyone and 2. do it at lunch when I am trying to eat when I have no appetite? I hope things get easier, for everyone on this board.

:bigarmhug: