I thought time made it better. (pg, m/c, ment)

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I thought time made it better. (pg, m/c, ment)

I am having a rough time right now. It has almost been 2 1/2 months since we lost Abby. A month ago I was doing so much better that I am right now. I am not sure if it is because I know that I would be feeling her move all around or that I would be gettting a huge belly. I find myself really longing to be pregnant agian but yet so so scared to do it all over. I use to be able to look at my old BB and be so happy for evreyone, I love looking at all the U/S pics but now I can't it makes me so angry that I will never hold my baby. Everyone always says time only makes it better but I have to say time has only mad it worse on me. Anyone else gone or going though this? Sad

Tori
Abbigail Leigh March 14,08 14 weeks :angel13:

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I too am in the anger phase of this thing we call grief. I see parents out with their kids and wonder why my kids will never get to know, see, talk to their dad. I see pictures of him and get mad that I will never get to run my hands over his hair or kiss him ever again. Death is just so....final.
and unfair.

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I'm very sorry for your loss of Abby. I know that 2.5 months seems like an eternity, but it's really a short period of time with grief.

My grief went in 'waves': just when I thought I was doing better, I'd get thrown into my grief all over again, 'out of the blue'. You're right: it's totally frustrating and aggravating. And the pp is right too: there are different stages of grief that we pass through.

I've gone through all of those stages, 4 times over (I have 4 angel babies). And I'm a deeply emotional person -- it was so awful. Your feelings are totally normal -- who wouldn't be both angry, and scared to try again? But just because you've had one loss doesn't mean you are any more likely to lose another -- you're not!! Your odds of going full term next time are excellent!! (Don't let my number of losses scare you -- it's surely just due to my age).

On June 11th, it will be exactly 2.5 years since my last loss. So it's been awhile for me. I find my grief has ended, and I believe that I will always, always love my angel babies so deeply. I am at a place of acceptance and peace, but this did not happen -- for me, anyway -- after just 2.5 months. It took a while.

The very good news is that you are here on this board, and you're writing in about it. I stumbled across this board just over 2 years ago, and being a part of this community has helped propel me through my grief much quicker than anything else I have done. I hope you shift through your stages of grief so much faster than I did, because of participating here.

It will get better, eventually -- it just seems to go in "waves" and stages. We care about you, and we're going to help you through this.

Love,
Nicole

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Nicole has a way about her doesn't she? She always says it all. I'm just writing to say the same things. I'm sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. Some days, or weeks even, I'm fine. then, out of nowhere, a depression hits me. Sometimes I can get over it and carry on with my day and other times, the day is over. I have to go home to bed and cry. I'm getting used to the waves. I'm letting them happen. Obviously, I still need to deal. I lost my baby on April 2nd so we are close on dates. The first time a wave of pain hit, I was so frustrated. I had been doing "so well". I was actually proud of how well I had been coping with the loss! Turns out, that was a stage. Probably the denial stage :-). I can't promice it gets better. I don't know yet. But, some days are actually good days and that is worth something right?

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"cdokter" wrote:

Nicole has a way about her doesn't she? She always says it all. I'm just writing to say the same things. I'm sorry for your loss and I know how you feel. Some days, or weeks even, I'm fine. then, out of nowhere, a depression hits me. Sometimes I can get over it and carry on with my day and other times, the day is over. I have to go home to bed and cry. I'm getting used to the waves. I'm letting them happen. Obviously, I still need to deal. I lost my baby on April 2nd so we are close on dates. The first time a wave of pain hit, I was so frustrated. I had been doing "so well". I was actually proud of how well I had been coping with the loss! Turns out, that was a stage. Probably the denial stage :-). I can't promice it gets better. I don't know yet. But, some days are actually good days and that is worth something right?

You are right Nicole really has a way of making me feel like everything will be okay. I want to think you all for your support. I really don't know where I would be with out this board and you great laidies. I do wish that we all knew eachother on better terms. Like you I was very proud of how I was doing but I think I was also in denial. I guess I was just pushing it away hoping that it would be gone forever. When I mention my feeling to others I hate hate hate it because they usally say, Tori just be thankful for the children you have. I never once have not been thankful for them, but I still long for my baby girl.

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*hugs*

i'm praying that it get easier and easier.....

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Nicole hit the nail on the head. I think the downs just seem more down when you've come up a little. Prayers to all of us to make it through this...

:bighug:

April

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oh i'm so glad i came here to visit. i was in a chat room today and after one sentence about how depressed i was someone asked if i had sought help. it didnt even occur to me, i was so low. didnt occur to me that i needed help, or that i could get it. when i saw this thread it was exactly how i felt. i lost mine march 22 and thursday while i was babysitting i got hit with so many pg reminders that i was wallowing in self pity by the time i got home. it was exactly 2 months on thursday. i had actually stopped counting how many weeks i would have been. i knew i was doing better. but since thursday.... i've actually thought about leaving work because i didnt know if i could go on without crying.
but nowi have hope. if i am still this low on tuesday, after the holiday, i will make a call and get connected with a local loss support group, but knowing that it comes in waves, and this is really probably just a bad day and i can make it through will help me get through the weekend.

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Yeah, time does not heal all wounds, at least not yet. Wink Of course, my grief for my first m/c (sep 07), the pain has lessened but still real and there. The edd was just horrible, and of course, no one remembered it but me, and that made it worse. I have to tell myself that someday I will look back and have perspective, but for now, I don't. You are normal, and unfortunately so many ppl just do not understand the grief involved in a miscarriage loss.