Don't you ever think that! You didn't kill your baby. We all know you loved your Tessa and would never do anything to hurt her!
I really hope that your IVF works and you get the baby you are longing for. Tessa knows that you love her, she's watching you, and I don't think she's like to see you so sad. I think she'd want you to be able to remember the happy times and to think positively about the future.
I can understand your concern and your confusion with the fear of "killing" your child. I had two placental abruptions which resulted in the death of my two sons. I was 32 weeks with the first and 28 weeks with the second. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks with another pregnancy because the pregnancy failed to develop. So, my body it seemed was a killing device to prospering life.
I mean my good sense tells me that I am not responsible for what happened. I did my best to be a good hostess and mommy and that for some reason they were not meant to be here on earth with me and their daddy. I however am not always rational and do not always listen to my good sense. Especially in the early hours and days following the incidents.
Take things day by day and never give up on having a child. I beleive that persistance does give a reward at the end of the day. It may take having a lot of failure and loss before you see that reward, but think of how great it will be to finally hold your child in your arms and watch he or she grow in to a beautiful person. I pray for you and wish you good luck with everything.
Be grateful that you have access to science and medicine and even funds that can help you reach your dream. There are a lot of people who cannot say the same. Good Luck and God Bless.