If I only knew now, what I didn't know then

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Last seen: 1 year 5 months ago
Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
If I only knew now, what I didn't know then

Grief is a very personal experience. We all feel a different range of emotions, none of them are wrong. I know we have a wide range of people on this board, like me, who have had a number of losses in the past and those of us who are dealing with a recent loss.
If you could pass along one thing you learned over time with dealing with a loss to those who have recently experienced one, what would it be? What helped you the most heal? Was there anything that made things worse?

butterflykissesx6's picture
Last seen: 3 years 3 weeks ago
Joined: 06/28/07
Posts: 509

For myself I truly have to count my blessings for the children we have. Not that the ones I have m/c weren't blessings I just have to focus on that. I am not going to tell you that I don't think of my lost loves, I especially think of my LO that would have been due, Nov 22, 2007 (thanksgiving day) My loss is never forgotten, just the ache of the loss lessens with every passing day.

I am truly sorry for you loss honey. :openarms:

MichelleTheAuthor's picture
Last seen: 6 years 4 months ago
Joined: 10/14/09
Posts: 18

The thing that has helped me the most, is allowing myself permission to be sad when I need to or cry and be upset. As mothers we try to "hold it" together for our spouses, other children and friends, but some days I needed to allow myself time to grieve.

I've said this before, but miscarriage isn't a single event. It's a lifetime event that rises and falls with the tide of our emotions. Dates on a calendar seize my heart, and I used to fight the tears and try to justify why I should be happy.

Now, I realize that I am only human. If a two year old child dies, everyone seems to think it's okay for you to be sad. But when a baby dies in gestation, people think we should be "over it" in a few weeks.

So realizing that I didn't need to justify my tears, or the pink ballons that I send to her on her due date, makes my heart smile. Smile